Do you see yourself as a lover of love but seem to always seem to end up being hurt and disappointed by your lovers? Or, do you seem to somehow sabotage or lose interest in your lovers? If either of these questions resonate, this is a must read.

In Seven Loves: An Introduction, I briefly explored a theory known as the Triangle of Love. In short, we considered how passion, intimacy, and commitment interact to form seven types of love: friendship, infatuation, empty love, romantic love, companionate love, fantasy love, and consummate love. I left off with the suggestion that most of us tend to see romantic love as our ultimate destination. More often than not, this belief leaves us broken and unfulfilled. Today, I’ll explain why this is the case and offer possible solutions.

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Let’s begin by taking a look at romantic love. Romantic love gives us the sensation of being possessed by love and intoxicated by our lover. As we soar to new heights of enlightenment, we realize we have finally found the ultimate meaning and fulfillment of our soul in our lover. Life takes on a new splendor and intensity that seems to open our eyes to the meaning of love…even life. The world is brighter, we feel alive and vibrant, and are completely engulfed in love’s magical spell. Our love is intense, overwhelming, and all consuming. It seems impossible that anyone has ever loved like this before. This is the kind of love that inspires movies, novels, and songs.

Romantic love, unfortunately, is a transitional space. At its zenith we come to a crossroad in love’s journey. One road ahead leads to consummate love (our true destination). The other road (which includes trying stay in this transitional space) leads to disillusionment and despair. Many of us, myself included, have taken the road to disillusionment too many times. Why does it happen? Perhaps a better understanding of romantic love will help me and others in the journey for consummate love.

Once we have been intoxicated by romantic love, we don’t want to lose that feeling. It is like a drug-induced euphoria. We also know the feelings that comes over us as this high dissipates. Where is that feeling of divine, transcendent ecstasy and the intense emotional connection we felt early on in the relationship? Our lover no longer talks or writes to us as much, they don’t come over as often, they don’t do this or they don’t do that anymore. We become frustrated, lonely, and even angry at them for failing to lift our spirit…for failing us and not living up to their promises. This love was supposed to be different. Ultimately, we crash and burn. Then, we start the cycle over again in search of another high, courtesy of romantic love.

When we strive to rise above and beyond ourselves into something unified, extraordinary, and limitless – like romantic love – we are having divine aspirations. When we look for this in love, we treat love as religion and our soul delivers. It is the nature of the soul to flow towards perfection.

As this divine perfection relates to love, it is helpful to consider sexual archetypes. In men, the sexual archetype of an ideal woman is called his Anima and she is unique to each man. For women, her ideal man is Animus. Within this ideal, each person has an innate sense of what it would mean to join as soul mates, forming a divine couple. Anima is every man’s dream of female perfection. She is everything I want and she never disappoints. Anima demands that her existence be recognized as unique. It would be impossible for anyone as perfect as her to have ever existed before.

The challenge in our relationships occurs when we project our inner spirituality (Anima) on people in the outer world for fulfillment. When I project my vision of Anima onto a real woman, Anima does what is in her nature. She pulls this lovely finite and imperfect being towards the infinite and the great archetypal themes swirling in my soul. She is filled with vibrant splendor, sensuality, femininity, and timeless beauty blended perfectly with heightened sexual energy and an erotic mind. All of this magic exists within her…for me. Our experience is unlike any other before and that no one can understand or grasp its intensity and depth of what we share. It is impossible that two people have loved like this before.

Our emotions and physical reactions to this experience are real but what we are reacting to, at its core, is an illusion. It is part of the human experience and billions of people have felt or will feel what we are feeling. It is human nature. Through our soul projecting, we each create our own cosmic drama and epic love story into the outer world. The problem with soul projecting is that no person can sustain the projection of another’s soul indefinitely. I cannot be someone’s eternal light, source of spiritual fulfillment, and eternal bliss. I am imperfect and finite. I cannot expect someone else to be this for me either. Yet, we all do it. I call you my soul mate, and you call me your soul mate. For a time, we burn like wild fire with love and passion for each other. It feels like we are walking hand-in-hand in the realm of the gods – we are a divine couple. We each sustain the divine projection of one another’s soul for a time but inevitably, like wild fires do, we burn out.

So, how do we handle Anima/Animus? Do I keep projecting her on women and riding the emotional rollercoaster on a Don Quixote-like quest for divine love and ecstasy? Do I ignore her? No, I can’t ignore my Anima…she won’t be denied. She is a real part of my inner, spiritual world. Rather than ignoring her, I can celebrate, express, and tend to Anima through my romantic and erotic thoughts, meditations, dreams, and art. Many of us are doing this, knowingly or not, on WordPress through our writings or art and find it very fulfilling. In a very real way, we are tending to our inner world and spirituality.

I will catch traces of my Anima bursting forth in the outer world and being projected on real person. It is okay to embrace and savor these moments. Even then, as real as these worldly sensations feel, I must recognize them as an intense spiritual release that will rise and fall over time rather.  We can learn from the wisdom and spirituality of the ancient Greeks. Even their most ecstatic god, Dionysus, was celebrated in two states – present and absent. One cannot infinitely sustain transcendent Dionysian ecstasy – even Dionysus. The timeless pattern of energy expenditure and periods of recovery plays out in our relationships. If we can recognize this, we can savor the moments where we taste perfection without the disillusionment that comes with expecting divine ecstasy as a perpetual state of being.

In the context of love and sexuality, we must begin by first understanding what we are doing. Recognizing the concept of Anima/Animus as part of our inner spirituality and how it is expressed in the outer world is an important first step. Anima must be expressed and tended to. But, we have to set her/him free in a realistic way. It will require open, trusting, and non-judgmental communication with our lover. We need to communicate the importance of our inner aspirations to our lover in a way that is real and sustainable rather than expecting divine ecstasy as the norm and feeling hurt and rejected when our lover fails us. And, it will require our lover to do the same with us. We also need to be as acutely aware of our lover’s needs and inner aspirations as we are about our own desires.

If we are able to see the truth in romantic love and recognize the dance of illusion, we may escape the burn out and disillusionment that destroys our relationships. If we can achieve this we are on the road to consummate love. Love isn’t all about me and it isn’t all about you. Consummate love is all about WE.

🔍 Primary references in this exploration of love are the writings of psychologist, Carl Jung and the book, WE: The Psychology of Romantic Love by Robert Johnson. WE explores the origins and meaning of romantic love and shows how a proper understanding of its psychological dynamics can revitalize our most important relationships.

87 thoughts on “Romantic Love: Hearts on Fire

  1. Tosha Michelle

    This is wisdom. I’d love to expound, but in a rush. Lots of adulting today.

    1. Thank you, Tosha 🙂 Wisdom is a gracious characterization…I truly hope so.

  2. Thank you for putting well researched and heart felt words to what I’m experiencing.
    There are many parallels to push and pull I feel at this time with my own romantic inclinations. Very timely given the series that is being published today.

    1. Would you be ok if I were to add a link to this post in the blog I wrote about fairy tale romance? I feel your article is a more in-depth look at what I was working towards expressing. I actually wrote that piece over the weekend, interesting that it also posted today.

      1. Absolutely! 🙂 Also, I’m a little behind on your posts but I will catch up this evening. We are covering a lot of similar ground…I like it.

        1. Thank you! No pressure, it just went live a little after 12EST. There’s another to release around 5EST.
          You’ve received a lot of attention on this post, it’s pretty awesome!
          Maybe we could to combine forces and co-write a post or series.

  3. Thank you Tiffany, it would be a honor and a lot of fun to explore with you…I’m a big fan! 🙂

    1. Awesome! Let me know if you come up with any ideas. I’ll do the same.
      Just curious, are you a Libra? You were drawn to the scales in the balance post, so was wondering if that was why.

      1. I’m actually a Leo which was the reason I had the lion as my Gravatar at first. But, being the attention seeking Leo that I am, I opted for the new one, ha! Still, the scales do call to me…

        1. I was thinking the lion was more about dominance than your sign.
          I missed being Leo by just hours, making me a Virgo. Though I still have Leo tendencies.

  4. Dominance and Leo (when fully actualized) go hand in hand 😉 I need to ready up on Virgos…I think we have some interesting mixes 🙂

    1. And not sure how I forgot to mention that the new gravatar is really hot!

      1. Mmmm, that makes me smile (and growl)! 😉

  5. Oh … the “ideas” I battle internally. You know I struggle with these ideas. With the acceptance that there is no “ideal” romantic love. And that it is not everlasting. As a matter of fact, it pisses me off. Not for me — as I don’t believe I am capable/worthy of possessing such, but for all the people I watch in the various phases of love. I look forward to more … as I always do with your writing, your thoughts.

    1. Dana, I thought you were lost at sea! Thanks for visiting. 🙂 This post is really a message of hope. The takeaway is not that we can never posses Romantic Love. Romantic love isn’t the sustainable destination. There is an even better place where we still have passion, intimacy, and commitment. That place is consummate or complete love. We never get there because we become ticked off, resentful, or withdrawn when romantic love fades. We become disillusioned rather than communicating our hearts and moving towards complete love. Thanks as always for stopping by…hope it didn’t leave you in bad mood. 🙂

  6. Miss Evelyn

    Did you ever reach complete love yourself?

    1. I hate to be vague or mysterious in responding to this question. But, the answer to the question is ultimately the final story to my blog. The larger story here will take years to tell. I will say though that I found the bridge (at least my bridge) from romantic love to complete love. Crossing that bridge and what I find is a tale that remains to be shared. 😉 Thank you for your insightful questions and engagement. I will be writing more about this in the near future.

      1. Miss Evelyn

        You sound as if your blog ends with that chapter in your life. Does that mean you have finally reached completion? You are content with life?’ I think I’ve begun to realize life isn’t just about that goal. To find your so called soul mate. I’m even thinking such a thing does not exist. I’m also beginning to understand it’s okay that I won’t either and I have to accept that.

        1. I have a feeling I will continue to write and create even after I fulfilled the purpose of this blog. Hopefully, I will be writing about the good that comes from this journey of understanding. I am content for the most part and love doesn’t define my happiness. I agree with you about soul mates…that is placing the projection of a divine spirit on someone. We can find complete love that endures but it isn’t romantic love that endures. I really believe in this post and it seems like you may as well. I would just also add that complete love isn’t a step down from romantic love. It is a higher and sustainable love that lifts us out of the cycle of despair that romantic love leaves us with. Don’t surrender to your situation unless it is what you want. Perhaps you can even turn it around and gather a fresh perspective on it. In the end, it isn’t our lover’s job to fulfill us. Our happiness must come from within first.

  7. I’m not sure how this post makes me feel. Like Tosha said there is much wisdom here. In fact I fear that it is wisdom you wrote. I fear that it makes sense and is true. I suppose that makes me feel sad. Sad that what we believe to be real magic in the moments we are feeling it is really just the result of hormone spikes and projections of our desires and basically just anyone might be able to produce that for us. That we are temporarily blinded to reality. I have no real illusions of perfection. I know that the next man will have issues as well. I feel that guards me from feeling abject disappointment when I’m no longer blinded to the reality of those imperfections, but I still naively hoped that there would be more remnants of the romantic love in the consummate love once I found it. What makes me sad regarding all this is that the reality is that, maybe instead of looking for more, I should remain content to settle for the devil I know. Maybe the passion and desire I wish to feel for my partner is not a real substance I should be looking for. Rather I should settle for the dependable rock that I have. He is infuriating at times but reliable, trustworthy in most ways, financially sound. Not the stuff dreams are made of but that I suppose is naive, childish, and selfish to hope for in reality. Yeah, that all makes me feel sad and hollow. Empty. Lonely. 😔

    1. I’m afraid this post seems to have brought about a dark cloud…not my intent. I really appreciate your thoughtful reply too. Often, when love fails we are at our darkest and we look to new love for light…again and again. I didn’t like WE when I read it. I was in midst of romantic love at that time and thought he was full of crap. I did like the Anima/Animus concepts. The more time I spent with WE, the more I realized that I had lived the cycle too many times…he spoke the truth I didn’t want to hear or believe. But, the message is a message of hope…it tempers the highs and lows. Consummate love does require passion, intimacy, and commitment.If your rock only gives you commitment, he is giving you empty love. Commitment and intimacy without passion is companionate love, not consummate love. I have seen women that I am in deep with romantic love break down in tears while making love…completely overwhelmed by the emotion exploding inside them…then it fades. How can we possibly sustain that level of emotional intensity? From your reply, it seems like you are a realist and have a great perspective on this already. If you are missing passion or intimacy, you are not at your final destination for love and are settling…there is more. Passion, intimacy, and commitment that is real and sustainable is consummate love. There is a lot of upside to this and a framework for communicating needs to and from our lover.

      1. Your post is brilliant really. I’m just in a dark place and feeling a little jaded and hopeless with the idea of romance at the moment. In fact I think rather than writing another chapter length reply here I do appreciate your reply. It does give me hope that there is more out there for me. I do not currently have passion or intimacy. Just dutiful sex and a daily domestic life of going through the motions. I’m hopeful that I’ve not reached my final destination. Thanks.

        1. I meant to say I think I will link to your post and explore my thoughts on it further in a post on my blog rather than write another chapter length reply here. It really is a great post worth sharing.

        2. Thank you, I was feeling like Mr. Downer. 🙂 Look forward to seeing where your thoughts take us on your journey!

        3. Always hard to imagine such a sexy woman in need of passion…

  8. Simply Brillant… You’ve written the piece showing your wisdom and incorporating music with it.
    Your last paragraph is striking so many emotions with me… It’s all about WE❤️
    Goodness.. Those words couldn’t be any simpler and true.. Micheal, my admiration grows and grows for you. Thank you for telling me about the piece. I needed to read it. I’ve been off WP lately.
    I will see what I missed here… ❤️

    1. Wow, you definitely know how to make a man feel great! 🙂 I thought you might like the music references…a different jukebox but music nonetheless. WE is always music to my ears…

  9. you know what is so great about you Michael? you don’t settle for even what you think you know. you not only open yourself up to different ideas and thoughts but you seek them out for a deeper and therefore more complete understanding of love and life. I really admire that in you.

    1. Thank you, Kristi 🙂 Just trying to make sense of it all just as you do so well… Searching for answers seems to offer a sense of inner peace, meaning in the journey, and hope for a better future. Whether the conclusions are valid…time will tell. Being able to interact with a sexy girl along the way has its own reward! 😉

      1. tell me about it, the women here are mmmmm, mmmmm, HOT! 😉

        1. Yes…so very HOT! 🙂 And, you thinking about women has me dreamin’…

  10. Mr. Modigliani

    Hi Michael, it looks like you’ve gone very deep into this subject. I’ll come back and read it more in depth. I had a mutual friend of ours surprise me today and your name came up, so I thought I would find you and say hello

    1. Thanks as always for dropping by Mr. M. Feels like I should offer you a coffee as we take a seat on the porch and enjoy a beautiful spring morning. I suspect we have a few mutual friends… Who was the lovely woman that makes us both smile? 🙂

      1. Mr. Modigliani

        Kristi dropped in to say hello to me (and I was appreciative). We had not spoken in a couple years

        1. That is wonderful that you two have connected. It feels great to reconnect with fellow bloggers after some time has passed. She is a beauty and genuine sweetheart. Cheers to a great week!

  11. SexualDespondent

    Michael, you have a way of saying things that a lot of people think about. I for one think about romantic aspects of love but I have a difficult time expressing it or most of the time talking about it. What I have learned and what I feel sometimes are different and so I tend to talk myself out of my feelings because they don’t coincide with societies ways. I know, deep down, I need to go with my feelings and reading the things you write about pushes me to forget what I know and go with what I feel. Knowing what you think and feel and the struggles to find what you want and look for is an inspiration to many. I love reading your words and your visuals are just beautiful.


    1. Sid, you have left me a couple of very powerful comments today, and I really appreciate the time you took develop and share them. We do have an interesting struggle within society around the concept of love–what is real and what is an illusion. The presence of romantic love is probably greater today than ever before due to our access and exposure to the arts through movies, music, and poetry. Yet, we don’t see romantic love for what is really is (as I expand on the post) and anything short of sustained romantic is seen as failure. This prevents us from reaching a higher level of love. I have always hoped that my journey for meaning may, in bits and pieces, touch others. You are the inspiration, my friend.

      1. I’ve never seen myself as an inspiration so it is an honor for you to say I am. Thank you.

  12. Hello, Michael. Thought I’d formally say hello since we now follow each other! I absolutely, wholeheartedly agree with everything you state here, it was like looking into my mind…and so eloquently written it is that I’m not sure if I can add anything of value. I’m happy to make your acquaintance and look forward to seeing what you have here in more depth. ❤ Em

    1. Thanks so much for stopping by, Em! 🙂 Some of the pieces (like this one) are a little deep but I have some quicker audio, video, and written works that are more sensual and erotic. Glad this one connected with you….

      1. Oh I’ll be sure to peruse through now and then! I like that you have layers. I have them, too. 🙏🏼😊💜

  13. I just really love how you’ve explored the facets of love, shared these thoughts, and put it to music. 🙂 It seems like you took a lot of time to research this! Job well done!

    1. Thank you sexy Kitten! 🙂 This does seem to be one of my more popular posts. Seems we are all drawn to love…even amidst the hot naughtiness. 🙂

      1. Oh yes, of course. Love wins always…but why can’t we have naughty love ♡♡♡

        1. Like you, I believe naughtiness is often the missing ingredient. Naughty adventures as a couple can sustain the passion of romantic love as we move to a higher, more enduring love. 🙂

      2. So very true. I think if more people would voice their naughty desires, we, as couples, would be happier overall. I think many people are too embarrassed to admit they want to try this or that. I’ve learned I just ask. We figure out if it’s good for us or not.

        1. If only more women (and men) could be so open minded. The erotic mind is very, very sexy!

  14. DysfunctionalWomansDigest

    Micheal—I have had to read your post several times in order to fully digest its meaning and wrap my head around how appropriately the content fit my current situation. I relate completely to the desire to sustain the early tremors of a budding romance but find the monotony of settling into a routine unbearable. I have realized that part of the reason for this avoidance of anything sustainable is due to my fear of perceived unrealistic expectations being placed upon me; as long as the relationship never transcends the physical, I do not have to risk revealing my inability to live up to his Anima-esque illusions which I sense intuitively…this definitely tripped a few wires! XO DWD

    1. DWD, thanks for taking some time with this post. You’ve shared a unique perspective on this in that you sense the Anima projection and appreciate the long-term consequences of that. Personally, I think the awareness of Anima/Animus is a true gift that can lay the groundwork for meaningful communication with a lover and help to sustain at least intermittent pulses of divine-like passion in a long-term relationship. As you point out, it seems to be impossible to sustain someone else’s illusion indefinitely. ❤

      1. …and exhausting! 🙂 XO DWD

  15. CarlyQuinnAuthor

    That smoothing over of the lumps and bumps in our partner that don’t fit with our dream. We project the qualities we need onto them, I get that. I think the exhausting part of this post is thinking we can never completely get away from that. There isn’t anyone out there who can meet us and match us step for step, let alone surprise or amaze us.

    1. Unfortunately, I think your question is the very reason this post exist. Not that I own the corner on knowledge. There is a higher love than Romantic Love. It isn’t a step down, it is upward with longer-term happiness. I think this is where sexual fantasies are so important…along with other things we need from our lover. We can’t sustain anima or animus indefinitely but we can recognize what they are and provide flashes of that divine spirit to our lover and they can do the same in return. Your sexual exploration is a perfect example of channeling a man’s anima in doses and that is sustainable 💖💞

      1. CarlyQuinnAuthor

        You mean a willingness to try and portray that projection? We can’t sustain it alone but we can toss it back and forth, so to speak? I’m sorry, I’m not one to really recognize or understand symbolism, I’m a good 90% cretin, the other 10 pervert. I want to do what feels good.

        1. Haha, you are so funny and HOT! Yes, a willingness to portray that fantasy…his idea of a perfect woman. You have to be true to yourself and be who you are but that doesn’t mean you can’t indulge your man’s desires. He should do the same for you. It can be simple things like even the clothes you wear. Maybe he likes dresses on women and girlie attire. But, the woman prefers jeans and sporty clothing. Maybe it is wanting to be sexually adventurous and woman has no interest. Over time, the list disappointment (large and small) build and he senses how far away his lover is from dream girl. Guys do the same thing. We stop dressing well. We forget the importance of communication and romance. One thing after another, we move away from our lovers ideal man. Instead, I can set aside time to plan romantic dates if I know it is important to my lover. I can dress a certain way if I know it makes her hot. We do this for each other and not for ourselves.

  16. CarlyQuinnAuthor

    It’s certainly easier if some of those interests intersect. At least, I think it is. I’ve tried four different ways of adding to this comment. Nope. I like the way you said it.

  17. I guess I never commented on this before. Maybe it was right after I followed you and it takes me a while sometimes. I’m shy. 😉 Anyway, I really enjoyed this read and the insight. The Anima/us projection is something that I think is really worth thinking about. Esp what you said in comments about being able to understand what it is your partner is projecting and trying to do some things to fulfill that. Honestly, I think that’s what love is about. We obviously have to stay true to ourselves but there are so many ways to show someone that you love them. Wearing their favorite shirt or being willing to indulge in a fantasy is ultimately not a difficult thing(esp if the fantasy is hot!) but it means so much to the other person.

    From a brain perspective, there are certain things that produce good chemicals that bond us together and I think those things are so important too. Skin contact and deep eye gazing are two of them that work to keep us wanting to connect even when things get difficult. I think we could all benefit from more talk about these things. The importance of touch(and the right kind of touch), of fantasies, of bonding behavior and brain chemicals, are never really talked about. Instead we talk about communicating. Which, yeah, that’s important but when you haven’t been touched in ages, why the heck would you want to talk anything out?

    Anyway, ha ha, this comment got away from me… I enjoyed this post. I had shared it with a friend a while ago but I’m sorry I never commented until now. You are so thoughtful and I really love how you explore things to gain a deeper understanding of yourself. Such an attractive quality. 😉 ❤

    1. You can be shy and it is a very endearing trait ☺️😘It feels very exciting to have you deep in the archives revisiting this post. This one means a lot to me. Your thoughts about indulging another’s fantasies and them indulging yours…or even more simple things like occasional clothing selections seem to be under-appreciated. So often it seems, we can on the attitude that I will only do what I want and that it is all about my needs. Yet, we don’t seem to have the awareness that the other person (our lover) may be feeling the same way. An impasse quickly ensues as each person digs in with their point of view and feels slighted by the other. As you call out, the touching fades…the eye gazing fades. After that, the openness to genuine communication and making adjustments is lost. Thanks so much for the wonderful comment 💖 You are such a special woman, and I hope love always fills your heart🌹❤️

      1. Aww, thank you, Michael. That means a lot. I think love is the most important thing in this world and learning to love selflessly is a worthy lesson. It’s hard though, when you don’t get back what you give. I guess it’s hard to be a part of something with a person who’s not you – like, if we could read each other’s minds things would be better. Maybe, lol. Or maybe if we could transfer understanding. Download it into another’s brain. 😀 Hmm, I might have just given myself a story idea… 😃 Anyway, love is amazing when it’s right. And new love…there’s nothing like it. I hope you had a good weekend and I wish the same for you – love always. ❤❤

        1. New love is amazing, Sweetheart ❤️As for the your idea of downloading brain content to another…there would need to a away for the man and woman to physically link together. The mouth might be a good way. Here, just rest your head on my lap and I’ll run my hands through your hair as we think about it… ☺️😘 Maybe that will help with your story?😃

  18. I don’t know if that will help with the story but it sounds amazing! 😘☺️ Linking mouths. Mmm. I can think of a few more ways too. 🔥😀

  19. […] my next post in this series, Seven Loves: Romantic Love, I dig deeper to explore the construct of Romantic Love and advance the argument that Romantic […]

  20. […] of fantasies is one way to keep passion’s flame ablaze. I explore this fading of romantic love in The Seven Loves: Romantic Love and the potential for cuckolding (or sexual fantasies in general) to reignite passion in a […]

  21. […] Looking back, my cuckold moments with her seem almost surreal.  Sienna was so sweet, sensual, and sexually innocent.  Our love was as intense and passionate as one can possibly imagine…it was the full transcendent expression of Romantic Love. […]

  22. […] of passion, intimacy, and commitment in the formation of seven different types of love. In Romantic Love: Hearts on Fire, I explore the illusion of romantic love as ultimate love and end with the notion of a higher […]

  23. Too much to …say.

    I’m coming back to this.


    1. Maria, I had to make some changes in my schedule this week…my free time is coming tomorrow and after. I can’t wait to engage with you on all the amazing thoughts have shared…so thoughtful, sensual, and very naughty 😈😇💞

      1. Mmm….waiting for you, gorgeous 😘💋🔥

  24. […] my life and assuredly those of others. Our draw to them is instinctual and flows from our soul. In Romantic Love: Hearts of Fire, I explore the dangerous projection of divine love we place on others. This often ends a repeating […]

  25. […] I certainly enjoy musing and reflection. Romantic Love: Hearts of Fire is illustrates this desire to dig deeper for meaning. I can also see this play out in how I prefer […]

  26. Way to go Michael!!!! 🤍♥️

    1. Thank you Cellie 💖 This was a bit different from the topic of the last post you commented on but we can never overlook the power of love. 💘

  27. hmm… this post really gave me pause Michael. I think you’ve read enough of my blog to know my feelings regarding the word Love in the context of any kind of relationship, it’s anathema to me, which is why I am spinning in the wind a little with this post. Everything you’ve said here makes complete sense, and on an intellectual level I get it, but I think for me the power of the word love is too dangerous a concept for me to trust it in any guise. I really had to consider my thought processes before I wrote that too. You almost had me wanting to explore the possibility that ‘consummate love’ as a concept is what we are all reaching for. My warrior sword cut it back and discarded the idea. Too much mental scarring to overcome I suspect.
    No matter…
    The part of the post that resonated with me most is where you point out that as writers/creatives we project our anima/animus through our creativity. ‘quote’ ‘I can celebrate, express, and tend to Anima through my romantic and erotic thoughts, meditations, dreams, and art.’ ‘unquote’.
    This I know you and I do!
    For me, I follow my needs, I feed my wants and desires via my writing and I pull in the people I desire and wish to play with by using that creativity and allowing it it’s full sensuality. Being able to project my Animus into my creative virtual world where my words hold all the power and value is a delightful experience that never leaves me feeling broken. I can live with that. It’s easier than trying to maintain an unmaintainable level of commitment and emotional investment in the real world. That just brings about conflict and unreasonable expectations of love that I can’t (or won’t) step up to or embrace. It has proven impossible for me to breach time and again and still plays out that way to this day.
    I’m not sure I even stayed on topic here either. This post really did reach inside me and make me inspect my inner self very closely!
    Regardless, thank you for making me think about this. It was way past time, even if I have realised I am still in the same place as I was 20 years ago, I have at least explored the possibility of love again. Rejected it but at least explored. 💋💫😘

    1. Gem, your reaction to Hearts of Fire is so thoughtful and, as always, I deeply appreciate the energy you share with me. 💫 I may have been too strong in my suggestion that we are “all” looking for romantic love but should be reaching for consummate love. It seems reasonable that a person may not have an intrinsically driven quest for love. You feel fully complete within yourself and there is no void that love fills. But, if that drive for love was once there and now taken away by extrinsic factors like a past lover, that might be a different situation. Putting up a shield to love only ensures the previous wound inflicted by another will endure and that person wins because you are the one that now lives without. As you said though, you aren’t living without and we are both tending to our anima/animus. I so enjoy how you whip up that energy and can see and feel it swirling around you in vivid color. It is amazing to step inside and feel it all around me – thank you for this magical experience 💫✨😘

      1. You my darling man are always welcome inside my swirling energy, I thrive on your presence, you feed me so beautifully and I adore playing with you, you’re right, this is a magical experience we share. 😘💫💋

  28. Wow. What a thought provoking read. Thank you.

    1. Thanks for giving this a read and sharing your reaction. It is a departure from my typical works but appreciate that it stirred you on some level. 💫

  29. I really enjoyed this post, Michael. There is so much to unpack.

    The post was thought provoking and…hopeful. I viewed your insights as committing and communicating with an open mind, and knowing my needs.

    So much can be explored in my relationship if we (partner and me) feel trust and have the freedom to speak without odd looks. I also found the idea of not being someone’s everything revealing, and I have always thought that to be true on some level. I have so many fantasies and ideas of my ideal Animus – how can one person possess all those qualities without me trying to bend/shape them? (What an awful thought of not being accepted for who we are)

    Expressing those ideas of my ideal person in my writing is definitely a tiny release. 🙂

    For a hot sec I couldn’t find your posts but I’m happy I found your site again.


    1. Hi Robecca, thanks for sharing such an amazingly thoughtful reaction to this exploration.✨I appreciate you mentioning how aspects of this resonate with you too. When this writing was first coming together a few years ago, it really shook me. It had all been so elusive but here it was …exposed in the light of day. Becoming more aware of these concepts has helped me, but applying them is a daily challenge. As for your writing and expressing your “ideal” lover…I’m glad you are able to find a tiny release and surely cause those in others too. I am well versed in tiny releases.☺️Thanks for finding me again…it was a tech issue on my side.

  30. I described myself as a lover of love in my wp bio. Being a psychology prof, I can understand what you meant in this post. Robert Sternberg’s model is interesting and wise. However I adore the concept of anima and animus. The way you related it to spirituality is excellent. Many a times I do believe that love is more than a single person, it is union with that part of ourself that is eternal love and acceptance. I like your post a lot.

    1. Thanks so much for the thoughtful comment…and for providing the Sternberg reference. I pursue psychology as a hobby, but it means a lot to have this post resonate with a professional. Thank you ☺️Love your perspective on love, “…love is more than a single person, it is union with that part of ourself that is eternal love and acceptance.” Now, if we can all get to that place. 💖

  31. This piece closely resembles my own thoughts when it comes to the path of the ideal love. I also fully agree with your view that love tends to lose it’s luster if simply left unattended.

    I think a good way to imagine it is to see love like a bonfire.
    Right in the beginning, the bonfire is ignited. The intensity of that initial ignition is powerful and brief, which somewhat resembles what we understand now to be the “honeymoon period” in relationships. I think the disillusionment comes from not understanding this concept of the “fire”

    The initial burst of heat can be stupefying, so it’s understandable that after that explosive quality of the romance recedes, one might be left cold and wanting. I think that true divine love has a sacrificial component to it; this is where responsibility and duty come into play for love.

    I believe that to attain divine love, the symbolic bonfire must be tended to and kindled voluntarily and willingly. So long as we work together to keep that sacred flame alive and strong, in the long run that bonfire can become larger and hotter than the initial igniting flame, ultimately transforming into something more.

    A hearth.

    1. Hi Arlek, so great to see you here and appreciate the thoughtful reading and reaction to this exploration. I love your conclusion – A Hearth. That brings such strong visions of home and Hestia into my thoughts. I came across an interesting concept of love called the Seven Loves (I wrorte about it at a high level here: Basically, it recognizes that Romantic Love burns out and cannot be sustained as an infinite form of love and proposes Consummate Love as the ideal form. This form recognizes some of the dreams you infuse into your vision of your perfect love. Some of these include: duty, commitment, long-term perspective, the work one must invest in the relationship. These are realistic. Your challenge may not be what “you” believe and your concept of mature love, but what your lover believes. The western psyche (to a large degree) is driven by the dream of Romantic Love. The moment you lose any shine from your knight’s armor, how will she respond when you speak of sacrifice and real world issues that need to be dealt with? That may not be her dream of divine love that is reinforced by movies, song, and romance novels. Personally, after thinking deeply about this for years and trying to practice it, I believe we must recognize that “divine” love is a state of perfection that cannot and should not be expected of another. No one can attain that divine state and hold it infinitely. It is a state of god or goddess-like perfection – an archetype. Instead, we must look to provide/receive moments and flashes of this lofty state in our relationships. The hearth is always present but its fire isn’t blazing 24 hours a day. Still, it is there and it is home. For those who attain consummate love, there is no place like home.

    2. Well said
      And I totally agree

  32. Oh my goodness..

    You just described me to the fullest. When I think I found love..
    And I’m in love..

    This is exactly how I behave and what I believed..

    Just to end up.. in disillusionment …

    And I walked away heartbroken 💔

    Because it all dissipates and fade-away..

    As long as I have been loving and falling in and out of love..

    I have never thought 💭 of it in this manner..

    Until now.. with your enlightenment .. you open my eyes to understanding the facts that I need even considered..

    1. Thank you, Nita 😘 I felt the same way as I was exploring this the first time. It really opened my eyes to what was happening in my relationships. I was able to forgive others and myself more easily and also tend to my anima in a healthier way.

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