I was in my early 20’s and spending a Saturday night at my favorite watering hole. It was closing time, but I still wanted to have some fun. Fortunately, there was another club that remained open until 4:00 am. It was a great place to burn off the evening buzz dancing and make one last run at getting laid. Since state law prevented alcohol sale after 2:00 am, this club had a pretty large contingent of 18-20 year olds that I didn’t cross paths with in the bars.
Enter Sasha. Her eyes twinkled with light as we talked and danced. Despite our age difference, she was 18, this moment seemed to transcended time and space. I was into her, and it wasn’t lost on me that I was reaching an age where my opportunities with such young women would soon be behind me. Sasha might very well be my last dip in the fountain of youth.
Our kissing on the dance floor was steamy and sensual. A whirlwind of pounding music, flashing lights, and smoke enveloped us in a dreamy haze. My cock stayed hard for two hours and was constantly pressed against her…a lingering impression she seemed to enjoy and encourage. The night held such great promise…until it didn’t. Much to my disappointment, I wasn’t able to whisk Sasha away for a night of pleasure. It happens.
I wasn’t against having a steady lover so we stayed in touch and our connection developed over the next month. We went out a few times and spent a lot of time just hanging out together and talking. I think she was kind of into dating an “older man”…worldly and sophisticated as I was as that time, not.
There was a “problem” though with Sasha. She was a virgin. Talk about time travel? I think the younger generation is more sexually liberated these days, but it wasn’t always like that. Most of us, at least in my age group, can remember the games of our youth. I touch your shoulder and try to touch your breast, you push my hand away. I try to come in from under your shirt, you push my hand down and away. I squeeze your ass, you slide my hand away. Go for a feel between the legs…thighs press tight like a vice grip. Everything was a progression, most of the time, with increasing access over months. Yeah, great memories…not.
Sasha guarded her charms like she was guarding the gates of life itself. To make matters worse, her desire to actually touch or provide me with any pleasure was clearly a foreign concept. It was as if she thought she would be providing me with a gift if she allowed me to please her. I am a patient man and went through this denial scene with Sasha many (too many) times. I can speak freely here, right? I was annoyed. Too much life and too many women with sexual appetites were around to play this silly back-in-time game again.
Now don’t get me wrong. I don’t believe a woman should sleep with me just because I want her too. It is her pussy and she can do whatever she wants with it. However, it doesn’t mean I have to like it or hang around until she decides to bestow her divine gift upon me. In fairness to Sasha, she was a virgin. Okay, maybe that makes her “gift” more special at this moment. Still, I was free to make my own choices and was ready to move on.
I told Sasha I respected her decision, but it meant we were done. She didn’t understand. I spent a lot of time listening to her cry and tried to comfort her as we talked around in circles about our situation. We were just at different places in our lives. Sex was a sensual passage to a deeper, more intimate connection for me. No sex created a wall. My days of struggling with virgins were in the past and I wanted to keep them there.
I was trying to be a good guy by letting her go and telling her why I was done. Her pussy was extra special, and I wanted to honor that value. Sasha said she didn’t want to lose me and would be willing to give me her virginity. While this was VERY tempting, I declined. It was never my intent to pressure her into fucking me. I wanted her to want to do it as part of our sensual flow, not like this. Now, I just wanted to set her free.
I’m back at the apartment chillin’ and feeling content with how I handled the situation. I was no longer a shell-shocked teenage sex warrior wandering through girls in the aftermath of my mother’s suicide. The fog of war was lifting. The outcome of moments like these had begun to matter. I often think about myself in the future as an old man in the winter of my seasons and want to be able to look back and feel proud of the path I walked with women. I want to be able to feel that warmth in my soul. I had turned a new leaf but…old habits are hard to break.
My doorbell rings and there is pounding on the door followed by Sasha’s sad but still angelic voice. “Michael! Michael! Let me in…I know you’re in there!” I thought, “Fuck. Stop tempting me…” I could feel a familiar force swelling within that made we just want to fuck her with no regard for tomorrow. Increasingly counterbalancing thoughts like these was a soulful clarity. I felt connected to the innocent boy deep within me and what I feel is my true nature – a thoughtful, sensual, and playfully naughty spirit. As a child, I once failed a science project because I refused to kill a butterfly for an insect collection assignment. That spirit would never want to intentionally hurt anyone.
I thought about Sasha’s future and mine…I knew our paths would never merge into one. I truly cared about how she would look back on this special moment in her life. I didn’t want to leave her with painful memories. The noise on the other side of the door is building. She is crying and pleading with me to let her in. The temptation IS strong. It isn’t often that a man has a 18 year-old virgin beating on the door begging to be fucked. Darkness and light were juxtaposed and calling to me. “Open the door and fuck the hell out of the pompous virgin!” On the other side, “Don’t be the dick that breaks her heart and causes her to lose faith.”
Damn it, I wanted to fuck her so bad! “Michael, please! Let me in! I want you to have all of me.” I could imagine her once twinkling eyes now filled with tears. What should have happened naturally and magically between budding lovers became something much larger in my psyche and everything was messy now. I leaned unconvinced into the door with one hand on the bolt lock and said, “Your future husband will see your virginity as a special gift. It doesn’t mean to me what it means to you. I can’t promise you a future. You’ll regret it one day. We’ve talked about this! I won’t let you in. Go away! We are done!”
I hate seeing a woman cry. “Michael, please…please let me in.” All I had to do was turn the lock and open the door to make her smile again. She’s a woman now and free to do what she wants…including fucking me, right? I can feel her beautiful little fists beating against the door…against my heart. “Michael, open the door…I want to make love to you! I do!” God. I’m sweating and my heart is pounding. I can imagine her bent over clutching the sheets with her face buried in the mattress screaming in divine bliss as I pound her tight, little virgin pussy into submission. Ohhhh Fuck! Maybe…just maybe I could fuck her and it would all work out?
No, No, NO! This visual would have to be enough. I had already restored some sense of balance in the universe. I didn’t let her in. I didn’t allow her to have my cock buried deep in her pussy. My cock, my choice.
A few weeks later, there is a knock at my door one Saturday morning. It had been a late night and I’m groggy…still a little buzzed. I try to calm down my rather impressive morning erection as I stumble towards the door while looking around for some shorts. Opening the door, I’m momentarily blinded by the mid-morning sun and feel certain that I’m now hallucinating. A vision of Aphrodite stands before me glowing in the morning sun. Is this a reward for my good deed?
It went down something like this:
Aphrodite (smiling with eyes twinkling) – Hi, hope I didn’t wake you?
Michael (dazed and confused) – Oh no, I’m wide awake.
Aphrodite – Could I borrow some ice?
Michael (rubbing my eyes and thinking — why, because you’re so fucking hot!?) – Sure, not a problem. Do you live in this building?
Aphrodite – I live a couple buildings over.…
Michael (a knowing smile forming on my lips) – Well, you’ve come a long way…for ice?
Aphrodite (beginning to blush) – Oh…yes…haha. I really don’t know anyone here and needed ice so I thought about you. I’ve seen you at the pool and around the apartments coming and going. My roommate and I have beeped at you a few times when our cars passed, but you must not have heard us because you never looked.
Michael (still clueless) – Ah, I thought you looked familiar. You aren’t easy to miss. Please, step inside.
So, what happened? She came in, we chatted…and I fucked her. It still blows my mind which is why I remember this moment so well. A woman completely unknown to me came to my door to fuck me. Well, she may not have been thinking that exactly, but that’s how it ended up. She didn’t leave with any ice but left with plenty of hot cream. Some doors refuse to open and others can’t wait to be opened. I would continue to see “Aphrodite” and we developed a really special relationship. Her actual name is Hannah, and I have a story she wrote for me here – Hannah – Fire and Ice.