Setting the Stage
Neuroscientists Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam analyzed one billion sex-related search terms as research for their 2012 book, A Billion Wicked Thoughts. They found that cuckold-related searches rank #2 among most searched for sexual content on the internet. Ogas and Gaddam drilled down even deeper. After gaining access to the database of a popular cuckold erotica site, they identified the following as the most common two-word search phrases: Black Cock #1, Black Man #2, and Big Black #6. Cuckolding and interracial sex are separate fetishes but they are often intertwined in sexual fantasies and, as the data suggests, very popular.
The distinction between interracial relationships in general and interracial sex as a kink should be noted. The former refers to people falling in love without regard to ethnic differences. The latter sexualizes and eroticizes ethnic differences and is the focus of my exploration. The interracial sex fetish flows both ways.
In this edition of the Cuckold Corner, I’m pleased to welcome Carol Ann for a stimulating discussion on the allure of interracial sex – the black mystique. Carol Ann is a 33 year-old, white female married to a doctor that is several years her senior. She once wrote about an affair she had several years ago with a young black man. Her story is fascinating. Based on how cuckolding is practiced as a fetish, Carol Ann’s experience isn’t an example of cuckolding as sexual play since it wasn’t something she and her husband shared together. However, it does shed some real-world perspective on the allure of black men to some women and opens up my exploration of the psychology behind the black mystique.
Carol Ann on the Black Mystique
Michael: Thank you for agreeing to this interview.
Carol Ann: Sure. I’m nervous but interested in talking with you about this. You seem well informed on the subject already so I’m not sure I can tell you much that you don’t already know. I’m hoping it may clear some things up for me though.
Michael: You are very kind. The thoughtful perspective of women on this topic is often missing in the larger discussion of cuckolding and interracial sex. What you share will be an important contribution.
Carol Ann: We’ll see.
Michael: I understand your husband is a doctor. Most of us would imagine you have a nice standard of living and enjoy the comfort and luxury that comes with it. What was missing in your life that led to your affair?
Carol Ann: His work takes so much of his time. He spends long hours from home at his clinic, in the hospital, or traveling for medical conferences. Whenever he is home, he seems exhausted and has little energy left for me. I felt emotionally and physically neglected.
Michael: Unfortunately, far too many women can identify with this. Did you ever talk with him about how you felt?
Carol Ann: I did, but he only dismissed my feelings as silly and immature. He points around the house and tells me how his work has provided for everything we enjoy and a lifestyle beyond what we ever imagined. It provides vacations for us all over the world and will allow our children to attend the best universities and secure their futures. For all of this, he tells me I should be more supportive of him and more attentive to what he needs.
Michael: How does it make you feel when he says that?
Carol Ann: He has given me a lot, and I do appreciate everything he has done. I take care of the house and children and don’t ask him for much. I try to do things for him and be sexually available. He’s just not interested in sitting and talking with me and certainly not interested in sex. The thing is, I’m a person too and I also have needs…social, emotional and sexual needs. I don’t understand why he doesn’t want to touch me or seem to need sex. I wish he saw me as beautiful and desirable. What am I supposed to do?
Michael: Trust me, from what you have shared previously, you are a beautiful woman and have really taken care of yourself. Your erotic mind is spectacular too. He is definitely missing out. If you don’t mind me asking, how often do you and your husband have sex?
Carol Ann: Thank you, Michael. Flattery will get you everywhere! The feeling is mutual…you are humble and confident, and I like that in a man.
Michael: Now you are making me blush, thank you.
Carol Ann: Okay, sex with my husband? We usually have sex only after I complain, which isn’t often. Even then, it feels very perfunctory and devoid of any passion. Honestly, it is barely worth complaining about. Maybe once or twice a year.
Michael: Sorry to hear that. This puts you in a tough spot. Human touch, intimacy, and feeling desired is something we all need. So, time passes and your disappointment rises. Then you met DeMarcus. Tell me about him.
Carol Ann: Oh DeMarcus, he is such a dear, delightful young man. He played football for the local college, and we met while doing some community volunteer work. He exuded such vitality, spontaneity, and virility. DeMarcus was so full of life and always made me laugh.
Michael: I mentioned a few weeks ago that I am exploring the psychology around interracial sex as a kink. People sometimes eroticize ethnic differences. Do you think you were drawn to DeMarcus in a unique way because he was black?
Carol Ann: Oh my, this is uncomfortable.
Michael: Take your time. This question is really gets to one of the key themes of our discussion.
Carol Ann: I don’t know, this is hard. I’m feeling rather flustered right now having your attention and talking about sex.
Michael: So perfectly naughty aren’t you? Going back to that moment in your life, do you think it would have felt equally exciting to have the same attention from a young white man with a similar personality?
Carol Ann: I have so many thoughts and feelings about all of this and sometimes they feel like they contradict one another. To answer your question – yes. I found it immensely exciting to have a black man flirting with me and making me feel sexy, appreciated, and desired. I would have still been flattered with another man but the whole dynamic felt more sexually charged with DeMarcus.
Michael: Tell me more about this “dynamic”?
Carol Ann: I’ve been thinking about this since you first contacted me. I was feeling a lot of things with DeMarcus but can’t deny that if felt a little taboo and this made everything extra exciting. Throughout my life, it was made very clear to me and all my friends that it was unacceptable to date black boys. This admonishment would include warning that they are over-sexed and only wanted to sexually ravage and ruin us with their over-sized sexual organ. If we ever allowed this to happen, we would be shamed and shunned from our social circle. Having sex with a black boy would change our lives. It all felt very scary as a young girl, but it also made me curious.Truthfully, it made me want to do it even more.
Michael: Wow, this is great insight you are sharing. I appreciate your transparency. Give me just a moment to take this in.
🔍 A Closer Look – Carol Ann makes an interesting point about the “taboo” nature of interracial sex between black men and white women. We can recognize the shameful origin of the taboo, and it is clear to most of us today that there is nothing inherently “taboo” about interracial relationships. It was an artificial societal construct. As we explore this kink, we need to be mindful that there are two distinct types of relationships at play. One type of relationship is simply a loving relationship between two people of different ethnicities. The other type of relationship eroticizes those differences, and this is one of several erotic drivers for the black men and couples that enjoy interracial cuckolding. It recognizes the lingering echo of these artificial societal constructs, eroticizes that energy, and rebels against those constructs. The overcoming of sexual repression, for women, only adds to the erotic fire.
Michael: So, as you were growing up you and your friends perceived black men as being more sexual and having bigger cocks?
Carol Ann: Yes, we felt like they might split us in two or at least ruin us for any potential white suitor.
Michael: As you think about this now, how do such childhood tales of caution stand up over time?
Carol Ann: That attitude does seem like a relic from another era, and I will never have such conversations with my daughters. I can’t even imagine saying such things. I only want them to be happy and it doesn’t matter what the boy looks like as long as he loves her and takes care of her. This was true even before I began having sex with black men. I think things like this are still said in some homes but, overall, it is fading with time and the passing of each generation. Younger people are more open minded these days and better informed.
Michael: I totally agree with this assessment. You mentioned having a curiosity about the size of black men. Can you describe the appeal of a large cock to you?
Carol Ann: Gosh, this is so embarrassing! Before I married, I dated a couple of other boys. I wanted to have sex but felt like I had to make each of them wait for a long time. It was what a good girl was supposed to do, right? If I had sex too early, they would think badly about me and I would get a bad reputation. That would have been the most shameful thing ever. Even when I finally did have sex, it was always disappointing. They would get on top of me and orgasm rather quickly. Then, it was over. They all basically had the same size penis and I guess I began to associate sexual satisfaction with penis size. These men disappointed me, and I wanted more. Everyone was saying that black men were over sexed and had big genitalia as if this was supposed to discourage me? No, it is exactly what I was craving! I couldn’t though.
Michael: A theme around societal pressure and sexual repression is coming through loud and clear. These young men had to wait a long time, and I’m sure they were very excited when you finally said yes. Unfortunately, it seems you had a few bad draws with those guys. Did you ever talk to them about your needs?
Carol Ann: No, I didn’t feel like I could. I wasn’t supposed to be a sexual being or want sex for the sake of pleasure. Sex was an act of love, not about pleasure. I was interested in finding a husband and these men wouldn’t want a woman for a wife that was so focused on sex. They wanted to marry a good girl.
🔍This tug of war between the “good girl – naughty girl” is something men and women struggle with. I wrote a bit on this in a paper called Hestia vs. Aphrodite: Cognitive Dissonance. This is very real and tough for women (and men) to successfully navigate.
Michael: Earlier, you mentioned earlier an association with penis size to heightened sexuality. You have obviously seen DeMarcus nude, were you happy with what you found?
Carol Ann: Oh yes, wow! The first time I saw DeMarcus naked, I was absolutely mesmerized! I felt overwhelmed yet so appreciative to have the opportunity to be in the presence of such a magnificent specimen. DeMarcus didn’t have a penis, he had a large, strong, veiny cock with a plump purplish head possessing a large ridge. My heart and my lady parts tingled with desire. His rich, dark cock commanded my full attention and desire!
Michael: Mmmm, that was a really hot visual. Tell me more about sex with DeMarcus?
Carol Ann: That turned you on? Good! I have to keep reminding myself that these things also excite you. I would actually love to interview you sometime, ha!
Michael: You are so sweet and sexy, thank you. As you have seen, I write plenty about my thoughts on this topic and cuckolding throughout my blog. There are a lot more men and women than you might suspect that are turned on by this subject. Why don’t you indulge us all and share a bit your sexual experiences with De Marcus. How did it happen the first time?
To be continued – Carol Ann – The Black Mystique (Part II)
- Cuckold Psychology: The Essentials – Links and brief descriptions to a series of posts exploring the erotic layers of the cuckold fantasy
- Sensual Shadows – Chronology & Links – An index, brief description, and links to true stories about my loving, erotic journey with Sienna. You’ll find stories about cuckolding throughout this index.
- Cuckold Corner: The Interviews – Cuckold Corner is an ongoing series of interviews with men and women who enjoy/fantasize about cuckolding. This index provides links to and brief descriptions about the different interviews.