Playing in the cuckold space is one of my favorite sexual fantasies. Whether I am the cuckold or the Alpha/Bull (man assisting in the cuckolding of another man), the erotic layers of this fantasy fascinate me. In the realm of sexual fantasies, the popularity of cuckolding is on the rise. Unfortunately, many men and women that would like to explore this fantasy often feel too shy, embarrassed, or inhibited to express this burning desire. I hope to change this by sharing a thoughtful, sensual look at cuckolding over a series of essays.
So, what is cuckolding? The meaning of “cuckold” has evolved over time and today we understand it today as a term referring to a sexual fantasy/fetish in which a man is stimulated by his emotionally committed partner having sex with another man or men. It is consensual, non-monogamy for the female only. In its purest form, cuckolding involves three elements. We have a couple that is emotionally committed to one another (the primary couple), the woman is having sex with another man or men, and this arrangement turns the couple on. Beyond these core attributes, the fantasy is often layered with additional kinks and often becomes a fetish within a fetish…within yet another fetish. I will explore many of these layers over the course of the year in order to deepen our collective understanding of cuckolding and why so many of us find it arousing.
As I mentioned in the opening, cuckolding is a kink that has long been pushed into the shadows. Why is this? First off, most of us sexually adventurous people have forced to explore our kinks in the outer fringes of our sexually repressed societies. Sexual repression is a topic I will touch on many times this year. Unfortunately, even among the kinky, the cuckold kink is often scoffed at and looked upon with disdain…as if other kinks are superior and somehow represent a higher truth or state of mind. They judge cuckolds as being weak and emasculated. How can he look at himself in the mirror…he must be weak..he’s lost his manhood. After all, what kind of man willingly surrenders his lover’s sweet little pussy to other men…often more endowed men.
These faulty perceptions and mistruths stem from a lack of knowledge and understanding about what is actually happening during cuckold play or, even worse, labeling certain sexual activities as cuckolding when the behaviors actually flow from other kinks. I will address some of these misunderstandings in several essays: Cuckolding As Erotic Theater, Cuckold vs. Femdom, and Erotic Humiliation. I hope to bring it out of the shadows by shining some light on the subject and presenting it in a realistic way…the way loving couples actually experience and enjoy the kink.
Much work is has already been done to illuminate the cuckold lifestyle, and the popularity of this “secret” kink is on the rise. Neuroscientists Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam analyzed one billion sex-related search terms as research for their book, A Billion Wicked Thoughts. They found that cuckold-related searches rank #2 among most searched for sexual content on the internet. Justin Lehmiller also uncovered some impressive prevalence numbers while researching his book, “Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help Improve Your Sex Life.” He surveyed thousands of Americans and found that 58% of men and ~ 33% of women have fantasized about cuckolding. Porn Hub’s annual stats often have cuckold-related themes at the top of their most popular list for men and women. The annual rundown of my blog’s most-viewed posts and Deviant Art site are dominated by cuckold-related content (Michael’s Cream – Best of 2022). Clearly, the fantasy of watching our lover taking another man deeply between her legs while looking lovingly into our eyes resonates in the minds of many men and the women who cuckold us.
Increased awareness, information, and understanding of the underlying psychological forces driving this kink have resulted in more and more people rejecting the sense of shame and social stigma once associated with this fantasy. Closer and closer, cuckold couples are edging towards mainstream consciousness. Several cuckold-positive stories have been published in mainstream magazines like Cosmopolitan, Esquire, and GQ to name a few. While not quite mainstream, Penthouse Letters magazine, used to have a special annual issue devoted solely to wife watching.
A couple of years ago, CNN published a cuckold-positive story (written by Ian Kerner, a licensed psychotherapist and sexuality counselor in New York City) on the benefits of cuckolding in relationships and referenced several studies in the article. One study by David Ley (author of Insatiable Wives), Justin Lehmiller, and Dan Savage, concluded that acting on cuckolding fantasies can be a largely positive experience for many couples, and hardly a sign of male weakness. I would add that being open to your lover to experiencing the sexual pleasure of other men requires that a man be self-assured and also a very unselfish lover that prioritizes his girl’s pleasure…even if that pleasure comes from the hands and cock of another man.
I feel it is important to emphasize that cuckolding is a kink best explored within the confines of a healthy, loving relationships with strong, open lines of communication. It can add an erotic spark to healthy relationships, but it is not a fix for broken relationships. Even if you find the fantasy captivating, it may not mean you actually want to experience it in real life. Exploring the fantasy through erotic story telling with your lover can fuel passion’s flame. And, while perhaps counterintuitive, making the fantasy a reality can transport a couple’s already amazing sex life to another level of ecstasy.
Personally, I feel honored to have played my small role in promoting the fun and sexually rewarding experiences of cuckolding. And, I’m eternally grateful to the beautiful women who embraced the fullness of their sexuality and shared this loving, erotic journey with me.
Moving forward, I hope to make others feel more and more comfortable with their cuckold fantasy, to open the minds of potential newbies to the erotic potential of cuckolding, and how (if done correctly) cuckolding can truly enhance the relationships of loving couples.
I have already written and published many articles on the underlying psychological drivers of cuckolding, I will be refreshing these articles and sharing them over the course of the year. If you don’t want to wait, you can find the current versions here: Cuckold Psychology – The Essentials
I have a featured true love story that runs through my blog called Sensual Shadows. It is a story about a former lover named Sienna and our loving erotic journey that eventually included cuckolding as our favorite kink. You can find the chronology, brief descriptions, and links here: Sensual Shadows – Chronology and Links.