Playing in the cuckold space is one of my favorite sexual fantasies. Whether I am the cuckold or the Alpha/Bull (man assisting in the cuckolding of another man), the erotic layers of this fantasy fascinate me. In the realm of sexual fantasies, the popularity of cuckolding is on the rise. Unfortunately, many men and women that would like to explore this fantasy often feel too shy, embarrassed, or inhibited to express this burning desire. I hope to change this by sharing a thoughtful, sensual look at cuckolding over a series of essays.
So, what is cuckolding? The meaning of “cuckold” has evolved over time and today we understand it today as a term referring to a sexual fantasy/fetish in which a man is stimulated by his emotionally committed partner having sex with another man or men. It is consensual, non-monogamy for the female only. In its purest form, cuckolding involves three elements. We have a couple that is emotionally committed to one another (the primary couple), the woman is having sex with another man or men, and this arrangement turns the couple on. Beyond these core attributes, the fantasy is often layered with additional kinks and often becomes a fetish within a fetish…within yet another fetish. I will explore many of these layers over the course of the year in order to deepen our collective understanding of cuckolding and why so many of us find it arousing.
As I mentioned in the opening, cuckolding is a kink that has long been pushed into the shadows. Why is this? First off, most of us sexually adventurous people have forced to explore our kinks in the outer fringes of our sexually repressed societies. Sexual repression is a topic I will touch on many times this year. Unfortunately, even among the kinky, the cuckold kink is often scoffed at and looked upon with disdain…as if other kinks are superior and somehow represent a higher truth or state of mind. They judge cuckolds as being weak and emasculated. How can he look at himself in the mirror…he must be weak..he’s lost his manhood. After all, what kind of man willingly surrenders his lover’s sweet little pussy to other men…often more endowed men.
These faulty perceptions and mistruths stem from a lack of knowledge and understanding about what is actually happening during cuckold play or, even worse, labeling certain sexual activities as cuckolding when the behaviors actually flow from other kinks. I will address some of these misunderstandings in several essays: Cuckolding As Erotic Theater, Cuckold vs. Femdom, and Erotic Humiliation. I hope to bring it out of the shadows by shining some light on the subject and presenting it in a realistic way…the way loving couples actually experience and enjoy the kink.
Much work is has already been done to illuminate the cuckold lifestyle, and the popularity of this “secret” kink is on the rise. Neuroscientists Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam analyzed one billion sex-related search terms as research for their book, A Billion Wicked Thoughts. They found that cuckold-related searches rank #2 among most searched for sexual content on the internet. Justin Lehmiller also uncovered some impressive prevalence numbers while researching his book, “Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help Improve Your Sex Life.” He surveyed thousands of Americans and found that 58% of men and ~ 33% of women have fantasized about cuckolding. Porn Hub’s annual stats often have cuckold-related themes at the top of their most popular list for men and women. The annual rundown of my blog’s most-viewed posts and Deviant Art site are dominated by cuckold-related content (Michael’s Cream – Best of 2022). Clearly, the fantasy of watching our lover taking another man deeply between her legs while looking lovingly into our eyes resonates in the minds of many men and the women who cuckold us.
Increased awareness, information, and understanding of the underlying psychological forces driving this kink have resulted in more and more people rejecting the sense of shame and social stigma once associated with this fantasy. Closer and closer, cuckold couples are edging towards mainstream consciousness. Several cuckold-positive stories have been published in mainstream magazines like Cosmopolitan, Esquire, and GQ to name a few. While not quite mainstream, Penthouse Letters magazine, used to have a special annual issue devoted solely to wife watching.
A couple of years ago, CNN published a cuckold-positive story (written by Ian Kerner, a licensed psychotherapist and sexuality counselor in New York City) on the benefits of cuckolding in relationships and referenced several studies in the article. One study by David Ley (author of Insatiable Wives), Justin Lehmiller, and Dan Savage, concluded that acting on cuckolding fantasies can be a largely positive experience for many couples, and hardly a sign of male weakness. I would add that being open to your lover to experiencing the sexual pleasure of other men requires that a man be self-assured and also a very unselfish lover that prioritizes his girl’s pleasure…even if that pleasure comes from the hands and cock of another man.
I feel it is important to emphasize that cuckolding is a kink best explored within the confines of a healthy, loving relationships with strong, open lines of communication. It can add an erotic spark to healthy relationships, but it is not a fix for broken relationships. Even if you find the fantasy captivating, it may not mean you actually want to experience it in real life. Exploring the fantasy through erotic story telling with your lover can fuel passion’s flame. And, while perhaps counterintuitive, making the fantasy a reality can transport a couple’s already amazing sex life to another level of ecstasy.
Personally, I feel honored to have played my small role in promoting the fun and sexually rewarding experiences of cuckolding. And, I’m eternally grateful to the beautiful women who embraced the fullness of their sexuality and shared this loving, erotic journey with me.
Moving forward, I hope to make others feel more and more comfortable with their cuckold fantasy, to open the minds of potential newbies to the erotic potential of cuckolding, and how (if done correctly) cuckolding can truly enhance the relationships of loving couples.
I have already written and published many articles on the underlying psychological drivers of cuckolding, I will be refreshing these articles and sharing them over the course of the year. If you don’t want to wait, you can find the current versions here: Cuckold Psychology – The Essentials
I have a featured true love story that runs through my blog called Sensual Shadows. It is a story about a former lover named Sienna and our loving erotic journey that eventually included cuckolding as our favorite kink. You can find the chronology, brief descriptions, and links here: Sensual Shadows – Chronology and Links.
85 thoughts on “Cuckolding: An Introduction and Year Ahead”
[…] Cuckold: A Brief Introduction […]
Agreed. It’s beautifully written. And it gives the readers something to think about.
I LOVE the illustration. It’s HOT. It’s interracial art.
This is one of my most viewed artworks. It seems to strike a chord in deep in 🔥our psyche for so many of us…
Excellent article ! Thank you for demystifying this mind-fetish, and contributing for bringing to surface what (in my experience) is one one the few remaining sexual taboos…
Thank you, Gordon! I think there are so many layers to this fantasy and endless variation between couples. However, I do enjoy trying to find common themes shared by most cuckold couples and glad this one connected with you.
A very interesting perspective on a lifestyle we have dabbled in for over fifteen years! Also, may I add, beautifully written. So another of your readers mentioned somewhere else that you should try an erotic novel and so you should. A man’s perspective on anything written often by more women is, I assure you, quite enlightening and often a turn on in its own right.
I shall follow your blog with interest.
I admire your guts to write openly about this. Just see how many you have drawn in during a short period of time.
Meanwhile, I’ll keep writing short stories about ants and spiders until one day I have the guts to write something from a hotwife’s pov!!
Keep tapping that keyboard ;))
Hi Viola Bleu, I really appreciate your kind comment on my writing style…so glad it resonates with you. Writing a book is something that I have on the distant radar. I think it would be non-fiction though…and erotic.☺️🔥It isn’t always the case but men do seem to write in a rather hard-core manner…in general. There might be a niche for me, ha! I have a few more posts on this topic already posted. Given that you have actually experienced it (I have several times), it would be great to get your perspective as a woman. Male readers always find that fascinating. If you ever post anything on this topic, I will certainly be eager to read it. In the meantime, I will be sure to follow what you writing about now. So nice to meet you. 😊
Thank you for taking the time to write back. You must be such a busy bull… I mean bee😀
Your whole blog looks progressional and well-thought out. You’ve given it a lot of thought and it shows. You deserve the following you have built up, well done.
I have literally just started dabbling and keep swinging between random musings and flash (tame) fiction.
I am waiting to be hit between the eyes as it were, with the with the direction choice.
We shall see … I’ve many short work in progress pieces on the erotic genre, written in the 3rd person for a fictional feel… but based on experience.
Just not had the confidence to think there’s a market for it.
But then I found your site!!!
Haha! Busy bull…I like that!😃Thank you so much for the feedback on my blog’s appearance and organization. I do want to create a special place for others to visit that is easy to move around in and visually pleasing. I’m really looking forward to your erotic stories and knowing that they are based on real events makes it even more enticing 🔥I’m going to be offline for a few days over New Years but look forward to picking up in 2018 and getting into your writing. Happy New Year😃 🎉
I’m curious to understand the cuckold’s perspective and am looking forward to more posts.
Thanks for giving this one a read. It is truly the tip of the iceberg but I look forward to building it out and getting your perspective on it. Such a hot fantasy!
Just the tip?
Ok, I’m definitely excited to experience more through your posts.
Yes, I agree. The contrast is pretty hot, too.
Yes, Tiffany. We want more articles.
I am certainly somewhere in the Cuckold space, though I do feel that the term has been co-opted to be a negative connotation. Thanks for expanding on the fetish within a fetish aspect of it. I prefer to go with Hotwife because it lends itself to the idea of “sharing” (though some women are offended by that) my wife for her pleasure and mine. The third realizes that he has won the lottery and is there because I’ve agreed to (really, encouraged) the arrangement.
I’m not put off by the couples who turn this lifestyle into the husband being made fun of or humiliated by his smaller penis, etc., I say to each their own. I just appreciate that we all have our own often strange turn-ons, and the Hotwife theme works for us.
I look forward to reading more.
Thank you for the very thoughtful reply. I took a high-level browse of your blog and you have been writing for a while….look forward to reading about your experiences and having an ongoing discussion throughout different posts. Your thoughts are the “third” winning the lottery and you agreeing to the arrangement really resonates. When cuckolds are in fantasy mode, we often “act” like we have no power and have to endure the cuckolding. However, the reality is that we have great power in this scenario. If it wasn’t a turn on, it wouldn’t happen.
I so get this as I fall under the cuckquean spectrum of fantasies and desires…. love everything you write and all of the art…
Cuckquean…I am fascinated and a bit surprised by the number of women that fantasize about their man being with another woman. As a man with a cuckold fantasy, I totally get it though. I can’t wait to hear your thoughts as I dive deeper into this space. I was excited reading a previous comment you left in another post. This just cranked up and extended the fullness of that reaction!🔥You move around in different sexual spaces…very sexy.
Great blog. I’ve had the cuckold fantasy for several years. As you’ve probably seen on my blog, cuckolding is a major part of my stories. I don’t watch the studio porn, it’s the amateur stuff that turns me on; particularly, men filming their wives having sex with other men. I’ve often wondered what the man and wife feel. Jealous? Hatred? Love? Lust? From cuckolds I’ve talked to, most say hearing their wives moan and scream and call for the Bulls cum, makes them feel horrible and it’s a place that they enjoy. Some prefer their wives to have a full-time boyfriend, or as some have called it a second husband. At any rate, I’ve found it very fascinating.
As you describe, there are definitely a lot of variations on the cuckold fantasy. I’ve experienced it from both sides (Bull and cuckold) and don’t think hatred or horrible are emotions that come into play. I think there is a big disconnect between what some with “the fantasy” fantasize about compared to real experience. Really, I think a lot of cuckold fantasies aren’t even cuckold fantasies…they are more Femdom/humiliation fantasies and can exist without a loving relationship as the foundation. I have several posts coming up where I try to expand on some of these topics and hope you will enjoy them. 🙂 I’m with you and find it very fascinating and extremely erotic.
I would just add that in “normal” society, the only cuckolds depicted on TV or movies are in negative connotations. Tony Soprano cuckolds his friend, not because the friend likes it but he takes his wife as a show of power. The friend is left humiliated. In other movies, bad men often rape the wife, forcing the husband to watch at gunpoint. The husband whimpers because he cannot do anything to “protect” his wife, and in some scenes the wife appears to have a moment of pleasure.
In reality, at least in my experience and those I’ve chatted with in Hotwife/Cuckold forums, if/when there is a humiliation aspect, it is part of the play. One example. It isn’t that I have a some super small penis, but our friend does in fact have a larger one. I find myself extremely turned on by having my wife describe how “huge” his cock is. Even more turned on when he and I are standing there and the size difference is so obvious. None of this takes away my ability to make my wife orgasm, but in that context, an outsider could view this as humiliation.
Hey JFB, sorry I missed this wonderful comment! I agree with you on the humiliation/teasing aspect of cuckolding. A lot of guys do enjoy the cock comparison and having our lover acknowledge that she wants more…she wants a larger cock. In the moment comparisons…so hot and erotic! I would venture to say that the majority of cuckolds enjoy this added layer of size comparison. Would you agree? I certainly enjoy that form of erotic teasing as well. In the post, I was trying to drill down to a few elements that all cuckolds share. As you know, humiliation play can exist separately from cuckolding and some guys can get off on that whether it is with his lover or not. Also, I was suggesting that humiliation isn’t an added erotic layer for all cuckolds. I don’t know if you read the more recent post, Cuckold: Mind Bender but you might enjoy the evolving discussion and comments.
Cuckholding sounds really interesting.
I will be writing in more detail about it. I have one series of posts “American Gigolo” where I serve as the alpha/Bull for a married couple. I’ve been on the other side as well.
Will be sure to check those out.
This is something I have wanted to experience. 🙂
Check out the other two posts (Mind Bender and Sperm Wars)…they are a little richer and have some great discussion by other women which is fascinating. Has your thoughts around this been around cuckolding your lover or perhaps him cuckolding you? This fantasy really pushes my erotic hot buttons 🙂
Where he would watch. So would that be cuckolding me? But it could/would also be with a bisexuality fetish? I’m not bisexual but the thought of a woman eating me out in front of a lover excites me. Locking eyes with him the whole time, while she brings me to climaxing is a huge fantasy of mine.
Mmmm, that is a juicy fantasy! 🙂 So, explore the cuckold fantasy from the vantage point of the man watching his lover with another man. This is the most commonly associated scenario. The man that is watching is the cuckold. If the woman experiences a scenario where her man is with another woman that is similar to cuckolding. The woman in this case is experiencing the cuckquean fantasy. As far as a woman and woman while the man watches…well that is probably called heaven on earth for all men, ha! I should add…love your mention of eye contact. The cuckold is often physically disconnected from the experience but the emotional and mental stimulation is super engaged. The eye contact just cranks his enjoyment up to even higher levels. Sorry about being slow to reply to a comment another post. I’m usually better but business had me tied down the last couple days. Thanks for exploring 🙂
Your blog is through the roof!
Wow, what an incredibly special comment…I’m humbled and so glad you are finding some stimulating reads 😈🔥
i love reading your blogs and the comments that form from them. its a nice thought knowing that it isn’t as unusual as people are lead to believe. i know for me it just started out at dirty talk during our usual romps but the more we talked the more i found it was actually turning me on. my initial thought was…oh god something is wrong with me. lol
Thank you Cuckold Queen, I’m truly flattered. 🙂 I’ve had a similar awakening on the popularity of this kink/fetish. It really isn’t one that people share with others. It’s hard to imagine a woman sharing with her girlfriends that she cuckolds her lover. Same way for guys, I never told any of my guy friends that cuckolding is a huge turn-on for me. Yet, discussions of other fantasies are somewhat commonplace.
i think the everyday male fantasy is one grown out of being the biggest baddest man in the room. things like multiple women or being the dominant in the bedroom. but when it comes to this the initiial reaction is that it is something that makes you less of a man….its that old caveman mentality of hitting her over the head and dragging her to the cave. most men see their women as THEIRS and that is a thing of pride and masculinity so they could never wrap their heads around something like this
I like the caveman reference. Funny that cuckolding is sometimes referred to as the intellectual fetish and suggests the need for mental stimulation (along with physical). Cuckolds come in many forms. Have you watched my video “Naughty Angel-Dominant Cuckold”? I tend to lean that way but am flexible when exploring and try different things to see what I like. I have explored as an “Alpha Male” as well and been the bull for cuckold couples. Most of the men that are able to pull off real-life cuckolding (as opposed to guys that just fantasize about it) are driven, successful men, good lovers, and are alpha-male types in daily life. Exploring cuckolding is a way for them to turn their world upside down and they find intense pleasure in this alternate universe. My guess would be this is true for your lover as well and that is why you are crazy about him. The idea of a cuckold being a pathetic, sissified man is something that comes to us from porn and I am on a mission to dispel this myth, ha! Thanks for checking this post out.
I would like to find more of this phrase from the past. In Victorian lit, it seems to be what the man is called after the wife cheats on him. Fascinating stuff.
Kris – I think that is an accurate description of the term these days, too. Difference is, I think a lot of the cuckolds today actually enjoy it (having been cheated on).
Thank you. It is a fascinating theme.
Sorry for the slow reply, Kris. Really appreciate you checking this one out. Your recollection of this term is indeed how it was used and is the original definition. My use of it is in the context of cuckolding as a “sexual kink/fetish” or sexual play. The couple finds it arousing rather than hurtful. I have several other posts that take this topic a little deeper with more to come. 🙂 If the man is being cheated on and he doesn’t find it arousing, then of course it isn’t a sexual kink/fetish.
Sorry for the slow reply, Kris. Really appreciate you checking this one out. Your recollection of this term is indeed how it was used and is the original definition. My use of it is in the context of cuckolding as a “sexual kink/fetish” or sexual play. The couple finds it arousing rather than hurtful. I have several other posts that take this topic a little deeper with more to come. 🙂
Michael, Thank you for sharing your deep knowledge and passion for cuckolding. I always thought it was used as a negative term, or a joke. Because of you I now understand more of what the appeal is. I find it fascinating. I’m pursuing my PHD in cuckoldry here 😉
PhD in cuckolding, love it!😄I’m on a bit of a mission with my cuckolding posts and your reaction and comment is extremely rewarding feedback. I appreciate you, brother.
I respect your mission and urge you to carry on. 😉 I appreciate you as well!
Reblogged this on Midwest Cuckolding and commented:
Thank you for the reblog, my friend. I see we have similar interests.😉
Reblogged this on BLACK COCK 4 HER DISCREET and commented:
Glad you enjoyed this and appreciate the reblog. I believe quite a few people read the comments…you are always welcome to share your thoughts. I think it would bring a fresh perspective. Anyway, thanks again.
I received a series of lengthy comments and replies with KC on cuckolding in reaction to this post. He shares intimate insights around his journey into cuckolding. For ease of reading, I’ve repackaged his comments into an “interview”. To access this interview, please visit my home page, select the Cuckold menu option and look for “Cuckold Interview with KC.” Some of the themes covered in KC’s interview include:
Small Penis Teasing
Primacy of the relationship
Hestia – Aphrodite: Cognitive Dissonance
[…] – Thank you so much for the amazing reaction to Cuckolding: A Brief Introduction. Cuckolding comes in many variations and I enjoy trying to tease out the differences and explore […]
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Well Said ! Power To More Male Cuckolds & Cuckolding 🙂
Thank you, Lexxii. If done properly (and with good intent), it can enhance the relationship. I’m sure this isn’t lost on you. As always, appreciate your stopping by. 🙂
Thanks for giving it a read…hope you enjoyed it. I believe we may have some common interests.
I am without a doubt a cuckold. It’s my ultimate fantasy. For me it’s definitely about “the gift of pleasure”. It’s watching my wife being pleasured that really turns me on. I prefer it to be very intimate with lots of kissing and not just fast hard sex.
Hey brother, thanks so much for joining the conversation. So many men are hesitant to share this fantasy, and I appreciate you doing so. So, you are in the gift of pleasure camp? If you don’t mind sharing, does the thought of her receiving such pleasure from another man give you an emotional burn and increase you desire to reclaim her? Does the level of intimacy and pleasure with the other man serve as a sign that she is really enjoying it? The more she is into it, the hotter is for you to watch? Is there any level of erotic humiliation in this for you? The gift of pleasure is something that resonates with me too. The size of the other man’s cock is also a trigger. Knowing my girl is craving a larger cock never fails to make me throb. Thanks again for the visit and hope you will share your take on this kink in the other cuckold-related posts.
Emotional burn yes but it’s a very warm feeling mixed with a lot of adrenaline. But it doesn’t really increase my desire to reclaim her. I suppose I just don’t feel threatened when I watch her because our relationship is solid. Yes the intimacy is definitely a sign that she is enjoying it and doing it as much for herself as for me. There’s no level of erotic humiliation in it for me at all. I look at the person joining us as just another tool to enhance our intimacy together. Kind of like another sex toy. I also love the whole big cock thing. But one time she played with a guy with a really tiny cock and that was really hot too. Kinda like a sympathy fuck which is something I would like to explore more.
Thanks for building out your thoughts a bit around cuckolding. I’m fascinated with the variations around how all of us with cuckold fantasies want to experience it. Your thoughts around relative cock size, reclaiming, her pleasure/intimacy with the other man, and humiliation are all points of variation within the kink. Your point about the experience ultimately being about the two of you and your relationship, I think, is most overlooked aspect of cuckolding. No matter how we want to frame it, it is always about the couple’s journey together. The other man is transient.
I totally agree. But I think some of the people who write stories about it or make videos do it for the sake of others and don’t really share the fantasy themselves so it can often be misrepresented. I get such a rush from it. Butterflies in my stomach and adrenaline. And it’s her pleasure that does that to me the most. In the past I’ve had group sex when I was single and although it was fun nothing compares to seeing a loved one being pleasured by another man.
[…] exploring and trying to understand elements of my cuckold fantasy and cuckolding in general. In Cuckold: A Brief Introduction, I set out to identify a core definition shared by all cuckolds and some of the “fetish within a […]
Amazing writing as per usual. You have a talent of taking untouched and “taboo” subjects and explaining them and opening up discussions and I admire that. Good job
Thank you Lili, I really appreciate you sharing your reaction to this. I’m always a little nervous about sharing this fantasy and especially how women will react to it. A lot of men are aware of it and get it but women are sometimes confused by it initially.
I understand that
I can’t seem to get your new blog 😛Can you create an actual link in that post announcing the new blog? When I copy and past the address, it doesn’t work for some reason.
I think I did. I’ll check the post again
What is your blog called – you have me interested to read
Thanks for stopping by Andy, really appreciate the comment. My blog is The Dionysian Experience. Hope you will check out more of my Cuckold content. You can link to it here – https://dionysusandblackbulls.com
So that’s what its called😁..Thanks very much for sharing such an inciteful forgotten fetish.
I was asked this years ago by my husband because he wanted too know if my” pussy whipping” abilities were just toward him or if it was possible for another man too feel the same as him, which lead me the 19 yr stalker I told you about before😌😂…but I’d love a pass of my own too revisit that concept now😉😂😂😘
I need more physical research 😁😘❤
Mmmm, you know I would love to help you with your (ahem) “research”…🍆🔥😘
Lol…yes yes🍯! Thank you😂😘💗
Tamara, you are hot beyond words!😃🔥It always gives me such an erotic rush when women express interest/curiosity about this fantasy. I enjoy both sides of this fantasy… Having my lover cuckold me with another man is mind-bendingly hot 🍆💦 And, I enjoy being the Bull as well…being with a woman that is cuckolding her man. I hope you will revist this in 2018. 😘
Absolutely…is that an invite💦?😂
You are amazing Maestro, love your energy and the exciting topics you masterfully explain will skill, gets the creative juices flowing😻💦, thanks for sharing!😘💗
An invite? You know it is sexy girl 🔥😘The thought of getting your juices 💦flowing (creative or elsewhere) made this entire post worthwhile. 😃✨😘
Well i am new to WP but this is by far the best site; as a dominant Female Cuckolding is indeed one of my favorites forms of erotic humiliation. Excellent post.
Thanks so much Goddess Leah for stopping by. It appears as if you blog is gone but, in case you are still around, look forward to reading some of your stories and also hope you’ll return for more here naughty fun. 🔥
[…] Cuckolding: A Brief Introduction, I introduce cuckolding as one of my favorite sexual fantasies, describe it rising popularity (#2 […]
[…] Cuckolding: A Brief Introduction, I introduced cuckolding as one of my favorite sexual fantasies, offered a core definition that […]
Well, you just taught me something today, and it does feel kinda funny admitting that at my age. 😉 So, thanks for the lesson on cuckolding. I think I’ll likely explore your other posts further when I get a chance.
Well, this is quite a compliment! ☺️ It is an honor to expose you to something new and potentially erotic. I absolutely love this kink and (as you’ve noticed) have written a lot about it…personal experiences and research. I hope you enjoy what could be your journey into this form of sexual play.🔥
And that’s what I feel like I’m looking for right now, I just want to take in as much as I can and learn about all these things that I’ve never had the opportunity to explore before.
Sent you a note on Deviant art
Thank you, just sent a reply.