Sensual Shadows: Cuckold Angst (Thinking with Her Pussy)

Sienna and I are less than a week away from meeting Jalen and our first cuckold experience. The buildup has been hot, but I’m feeling some mental friction with how things are unfolding. Sienna has been extremely busy with work, and I’m feeling a bit disconnected from her at a time when I need to feel our connection more than ever.

We have always had a clear vision about how we wanted to experience the fantasy of another man joining us. We have literally written volumes about it. Her fantasy has always been one of submission to me and part of that submission meant fucking other men. This framework made her feel emotionally and physically comfortable in the fantasy, and it is how she always described it in our storytelling. Cuckolding: Submissive Woman’s Perspective is a great example of how Sienna envisioned the fantasy.

In her recent communications with Jalen though, she has consistently gone “off script” and created visuals for Jalen that are not aligned with our fantasy. Staying true to our vision of the fantasy is important because we are the couple. We have to live with the outcome and memories as part of our loving relationship. I want her to have an amazing experience in the moment, but I also want it to feel hot for us in our erotic afterglow. If she feels disappointed or emotionally hurt after the fact, it will be too late for me to fix anything. I’m worried that Sienna is beginning to think more with her pussy than her heart and mind.

Early on, Sienna established some key elements of the cuckold fantasy that made it feel safe and hot for her.

• Her submission to me
• Me controlling and directing the flow of events
• No kissing
• No use of the word “Slut”
• No spanking or rough handling from the Bull
• No coming in her mouth
• No anal
• No use of terms of endearment (e.g., baby, lover)
• Treating me with difference

One by one, those boundaries are disappearing. Sienna’s fantasy of me being in control and commanding her seems like a distant memory. She hasn’t mentioned it once in the erotic fantasies she shares with Jalen.

• Her submission to me
• Me controlling and directing the flow of events

Somewhere along the way, Sienna also began to feel like it would feel too disconnecting to rule out kissing Jalen and said she would be okay with it.

• No kissing

Much to my initial dismay, she also became turned on by Jalen, in his own words, calling her a black cock slut. She still doesn’t feel comfortable with me calling her a slut but gets hot when Jalen does.

• No use of the word “Slut”

In terms of spanking, she had been adamant that I was the only man she wanted to handle her that way. Then, she introduced the fantasy of Jalen spanking her in an erotic vignette she shared with him.

• No spanking or rough handling from the Bull

This disconnect between our fantasy and what she is communicating to Jalen has become an increasing point of tension. Despite bringing this to her attention, she can’t seem to get her mind around what I am saying. We are a week away from meeting Jalen, and our vision of the fantasy has vanished. I have no clue about how Sienna actually wants to experience this fantasy. The unknown is adding to my angst. A few boundaries seem to still remain in tact so I reach out to discuss them with my girl.

• No coming in her mouth
• No anal
• No use of terms of endearment (e.g., baby, lover)
• Treating me with difference

Jalen’s Cum  My mind is spinning as I listen to Sienna’s sexy voice assuring me that will be hot to feel Jalen cum all over her face and hair, but not in her mouth. She then describes how she wants to feel his big juicy cock coming inside her pussy and later, hopefully, all over her tits. She finds all the possibilities so exciting to think about and can’t wait to experience as many of those moments as possible. It is surreal to hear the woman I love describing where she wants to feel another man cum.

Anal Sex  Another topic on my mind is the thought of Jalen burying his big cock in her ass. I bring this topic up with Sienna because of an interesting exchange I recently had with Jalen where he mentioned “power-fucking Brazilian hotties in their ass.” This was the first time I had heard any mention of anal sex. The thought of seeing Sienna taking Jalen’s huge cock in her ass was wildly exciting, but Sienna has been and remains adamant there will be no anal sex. I had taken her anal virginity, and she liked the thought of me being the only man to ever experience this with her. Besides that, she feels Jalen is much too large to even consider that possibility.

Terms of Endearment  Sienna didn’t want him calling her “baby” because that was our word for each other. Even if he said it, she said she would never call him baby or any other sweet names because those terms are sacred to her and only shared by us as lovers. As she put it, “You are my baby, not him!”

Dirty Talk  As Sienna and I continue to discuss and align on our desires, she has a few things on her mind too.

Baby, I have a question about Thursday with Jalen. What if it gets really intense and naughty? I mean, if all goes as well as we think, will it be hot for you if he’s fucking me hard and it feels really good to me? I just wonder how things will go if it heats up and it is feeling really amazing? Will you want me to be coaxing Jalen and telling him how amazing he feels or not? You know when we get into our rhythm, and it feels so good and intense. I ask you to fuck me harder and start saying dirty things to encourage MORE!!! This might be similar with Jalen, and I want to make sure you are okay with this. Although, I don’t think I’ll ever have to beg him for MORE…yikes!!!

She is anticipating how good Jalen’s cock is going to feel and wants to know if I want her to hold back with how she responds to him. I assure Sienna that I want her to feel completely free to experience Jalen as she desires. “Share whatever you feel with him. Do whatever drives you wild and makes you cum hard! If it feels amazing, tell him how incredible his big cock feels. If it’s like nothing you have felt before, tell him so. Milk his thick juicy cock and make him spill his creamy seed inside your opened up white pussy. This is my gift of pleasure…even though it comes from another man’s cock.”

Mmmm, so hot! I will express myself Baby!!!!!  I love that we can have this openness and freely express ourselves. I will be communicating with you and Jalen and allow the evening to unfold in a way that feels very hot for me. I just want to make sure you are okay with the expressions that come from this very new experience. I’m very excited and turned on by all of it!!!!

I did have one possibility lingering in my thoughts. When Sienna is expressing herself freely, she might tell him that he’s the best fuck she has ever had. I needed to prepare myself for this very real possibility.

BABY!!!! And I cannot even imagine EVER feeling or saying anything like “the best I ever had”. This is the most sacred expression only WE share!!! We will ALWAYS be the best!!!

Sienna assures me that she would never say such a thing. Our conversation soothes my angst and has me feeling better about what she is feeling and what to expect from her. Clearly, the fantasy as we once envisioned it is a distant memory. Basically, she will be free flowing and do what feels hot for her. Her only boundaries are oral cum shots, anal sex, and terms of endearment. She views these as sacred between us and doesn’t want to share them with another man.

From my perspective, I would be okay with Jalen coming in her mouth and taking her ass. Actually, seeing both would be really hot. However, she views these as “sacred” so I don’t push. Even though cuckolding is a very hot fantasy for me, I must admit that it does feel special that she wants to save some experiences just for me. I suppose this leads to the one thing I need most from Sienna – treating me with difference.

Love vs. Lust

I need Sienna to occasionally make eye contact with me so I can feel her sensual soul in the midst of all the hot naughtiness. Also, I know I won’t be physically involved too much but when I do move in close, I need Sienna to respond to me with difference. I suppose it is a matter of love vs. lust in my mind.

We have prided ourselves on the deep soulful love we feel for one another. I want Jalen to see and feel our special connection – the same connection he had once marveled at when following our blog. In a competitive sense, I also want him to know that regardless of how big his cock or how much better he fucks her, our love is far stronger than any fleeting lust she might feel for him.

Not Being Swept Away

I don’t want to feel like she is so swept away by another man that I am ignored and my presence becomes meaningless. In other words, it becomes about “their” experience and not “our” experience. This would feel humiliating (not in an erotic way) and genuinely embarrassing. Sienna reaffirms, as she had so often expressed in our role plays, that my presence is the driving force of the fantasy.

“If you weren’t there…if you didn’t want it to happen, I wouldn’t be there with Jalen. This is our experience as a couple. It is about US!” She adds, “I please him to please you.”

Addressing my concern, Sienna begins thinking about the future.

“Baby, what are we going to do when I really like it and crave more black cock after Jalen?”

She is already anticipating that her time with Jalen is going to be amazing and wonders what will happen if she wants to experience it again. I tell her that I will first spank her ass for being so naughty and then find another Bull to fuck her and give her what she craves and needs. She loved this! It is so erotically delicious to have my lover so wantonly lusting after big black cock.

“Baby, mmmmm! You made me cream my panties!!! You take such care of your girl!!!”

I have always fantasized about Sienna getting to a place where she felt emotionally safe and confident enough in our love to completely surrender and embrace her sexuality. Now, she is in a wild sexual state and untethered by the societal restraints that once held her down. Her submission, surrender and, in a sense, unification with her raw, primal sexuality is almost complete.

Suggested readings:

• Cuckolding Psychology – The Essentials – Explore the psychology and erotic themes of this popular kink
• Sensual Shadows – The chronology, brief story descriptions, and links to my loving, erotic journey with Sienna.