young woman makes fun of the length of measuring tape

Erotic Humiliation is consensual humiliation that produces sexual arousal. This definition seems pretty clear, but it is much too superficial to satisfy my craving for deeper understanding. Therefore, it is time for another exploration of sexual psychology in an ongoing series I call “Exploring the Layers”.

I begin my exploration of erotic humiliation with several objectives in mind:

  • Provide a thoughtful introduction to the psychology of erotic humiliation
  • Develop an understanding of why some people (including myself) enjoy this kink
  • Explore the influence of erotic humiliation in three of my favorite sexual kinks: Small Penis Teasing/Humiliation, Cuckolding, and Exhibitionism

Erotic Humiliation & Masochism

Erotic humiliation is a sexual kink that can and does exist independent of other fetishes. However, it is likely that our awareness of this kink (if we have noticed it at all) comes from seeing it interwoven with other more well-known fetishes such as D/s, Cuckolding, and Femdom to name a few. There is typically an accompanying element of submission at play for the person being humiliated but this is not always case. For example, a person may enjoy erotic humiliation but may not enjoy being ordered around or entering into a state of submission. Similarly, a person may enjoy being submissive but not enjoy any form of humiliation.

Most of us are familiar with masochism (the “M” in BDSM) which is said to elicit deeply satisfying (emotional and/or physical) release/pleasure through pain. Erotic humiliation is a form of masochism and can be psychological and/or physical. When administered verbally, it serves as a form of psychological masochism. In a sense, it is an emotional spanking. This emotional spanking is a sensation I often mention in my discussions of cuckolding. A cuckold may experience erotic humiliation while watching his lover being satisfied by another man and this excites him.

Erotic Humiliation – Psychological Origin

Where might the masochistic desires for erotic humiliation or other forms of pain that generate sexual pleasure come from? Discussing all the possible answers to this question are a bit beyond my scope for this article. In general though, behavioral psychologists believe most of our behaviors (sexual and non-sexual) have at least some roots that trace back to our childhood and, perhaps, compounded by triggering events as young adults.

The masochistic desire for erotic humiliation could stem from feelings of abandonment, powerlessness, insecurity, inadequacy, rejection, detachment, emptiness, guilt, or shame. Even if we can pinpoint a significant negative childhood event or events, it doesn’t mean that we necessarily sexualized that feeling by transferring it into a kink or a fetish that now gives us control and pleasure.

If we have sexualized these feelings , we can go two ways with this negative experience. We might think about it in the context of phobic or counter-phobic reactions. For example, someone that felt powerless as a child may gravitate towards being a Dom or Domme to take control of that sense of powerlessness. In contrast, a person may sexualize that sense of powerlessness and find sexual arousal in tapping into that feeling of powerlessness. This also provides a sense of control in that we are embracing our fear and finding pleasure in it.

I can think back to a couple early heartbreaks as a teenager where the impact may have been a bit more emotionally intense than expected when layered against the backdrop of my mother’s suicide. Well, that’s about as far as I want to peel that onion back for now. If you want to read more about the psychological impact of significant early childhood events, please check out my Shadows: Origin post.

Communication, Consent, and Context

Erotic humiliation, as with any form of sexual experimentation, requires context, consent, a high degree of awareness, and open communication to ensure the result is desirable, rather than abusive. For example, a man or woman may enjoy being humiliated in some ways but be genuinely crushed and devastated if humiliated or insulted in other ways.

Erotic humiliation can become extreme enough to be considered a form of edgeplay as emotional boundaries can be pushed to their extreme. Without caution, erotic humiliation can destroy a relationship and even a person’s self-esteem. Discussing boundaries, use of a safeword, aftercare, and easing into erotic humiliation is a always a good approach.

We should also remember (and this is a BIG callout) that erotic humiliation is all about context and the mindset of those involved. What may feel humiliating and arousing to one person, may strike another as humiliating (not erotically) and hurtful. On the other hand, some folks may not even consider the act at hand to be humiliating at all. In most cases there is a triad of reactions to a particular act: 1) humiliating and arousing 2) humiliating and not arousing 3) not humiliating.

Consider this example: As a man experiencing a cuckold scene, I have just watched another man fuck my woman and he just released his heavy load inside her. She looks at me with dreamy, lust-filled eyes as she spreads her legs before me and shows me her overflowing, cum-filled pussy. She wants me to clean her up…with my tongue. There are three basic reactions here for a cuckold:

  1. Eating her creampie is not humiliating and just a fun part of the overall sexual experience. I do it with no sense of humiliation.
  2. Eating her creampie is humiliating and, because of that, the act is extremely arousing. I perform the act and the humiliation intensifies my sexual arousal.
  3. Eating her creampie would be humiliating and, because of that, there is no arousal associated with it. I pass on the “opportunity”.

I would select “B”. As a straight man that fantasizes about cuckolding with a deep, slow burn of erotic humiliation running though it, the thought of eating another man’s cum from my lover’s pussy strikes me as incredibly embarrassing and humiliating. Yet, the thought of it is so extremely arousing. Clearly, erotic humiliation (in some forms) is one underlying driver of my cuckold fantasy. However, I have zero interest in another man’s cum outside this scenario and context. It is erotic humiliation that drives my sexual arousal in this scene.

Small Penis Teasing

Cuckold 21-1 v3

I mentioned earlier that erotic humiliation and submission are distinct sexual kinks and this distinction resonates with me. I actually have a personal example to illustrate my point. (Deep breath) So…here it is. I enjoy a kink known as Small Penis Teasing (aka, Small Penis Humiliation). I prefer to say “teasing” rather than “humiliation” because it better reflects the tone of how I like to experience it…a more sensual tone and phrasings rather than harshly spoken. Whether I actually have a small penis or not doesn’t really matter…this state of mind can always be created if desired.

While I do get off big time on small penis teasing (SPT), I have no real excitement around being dominated or bossed around by my lover or anyone for that matter. Femdom is not my thing. In fact, I fall on the dominant side more often than not. A possible exception to this might be my enjoyment of the “cock cage” discussed in Achilles Last Stand.

How does Small Penis Teasing work for me? I strive in my relationships to provide my lover with the most amazing sexual experiences of their lives. I want to activate her senses, body, mind, heart, and soul to create transcendent sexually charged, emotionally activating, light swirling ecstasy…and love. That is my goal, individual results may vary.

Once fantasy exploration begins, I want my lover to “admit” that my cock is small…shorter and thinner than she craves. I want her to tease me about having a little cock and admit that she craves a larger, thicker cock…preferably a Big Black Cock. Will she feel these things initially? Probably not. But, in time, I will make it safe for her to express these feelings and desires. And, I will fuck her hard and spank her sexy ass for be so naughty! SPT is exciting to me but it tends to elicit a more dominant than submissive reaction.

Humiliation and Cuckolding

Cuckolding is a sexual kink where the woman in an emotionally committed relationship has sex with a man (or men) outside her primary relationship. And, the man (cuckold) and woman (cuckoldress/hotwife) in this relationship find the arrangement exciting. Though we sometimes pretend it isn’t so, cuckolding is about the couple…it is their naughty adventure together as a loving couple. Cuckolding is one of my favorite kinks and I have written extensively about it. You can access all of my cuckold-related content here – Cuckolding.

How does humiliation blend with cuckolding? It doesn’t take much to get the erotic humiliation juices flowing in a cuckold scene. Some cuckolds (not all) find the basic cuckold scenario to be humiliating. Just knowing another man is fucking and staking his claim deep inside your woman is more than enough to elicit a sense of shame and humiliation for most cuckolds.

The sensation is ramped up if it is clear our lover is really enjoying herself and the man has a larger cock. However, not all cuckolds feel this is an humiliating experience. Some see the experience as a gift of pleasure to their woman and are instead filled with pride that other men find their woman so sexy and desirable. Most cuckolds enjoy both aspects – gift of pleasure and pride as well as erotic humiliation.

Beyond the basic cuckold scenario, there are many ways to amp up the intensity of erotic humiliation in cuckold play. In my post, American Gigolo: The Cuckold Contract, I included many examples of erotic of humiliation in the contract I prepared for Timothy and his wife. I won’t go into them here but encourage you to read that post if you are curious.

Erotic Humiliation and Exhibitionism

I’ve previously explored the psychology of exhibitionism and my interest in this kink (independent of any erotic humiliation) in the post – Exhibitionism – Exploring the Layers. This has been one of my more popular posts, and I hope you will check it out. Exhibitionism can exist alone as a kink, and it can also be layered into erotic humiliation and cuckolding.

We can increase the intensity of erotic humiliation and arousal by experiencing it in a more public manner with others witnessing our “humiliation”. Whenever I share my cuckold and, now, small penis teasing kinks here on WordPress, I feel an erotic rush. This isn’t the highest level of exhibitionism because I am still somewhat anonymous. Yet, I feel a great connection with many of you and, in some ways, you know me on a deeper level than most. It feels intense and personal to share these things (and yes, arousing).

Summary

Erotic Humiliation is consensual humiliation that produces sexual arousal. It is a form of masochism (physical and/or psychological) and falls within the realm of BDSM. Erotic humiliation can exist as an independent kink or be layered in with other sexual kinks (e.g., D/s, small penis teasing, exhibitionism, and cuckolding). Erotic humiliation, as with any form of sexual experimentation, requires context, consent, a high degree of awareness, and open communication to ensure the result is desirable, rather than hurtful.

16 thoughts on “Erotic Humiliation – Exploring the Layers

  1. I had to imagine holding your hand through this one..I was a little lost with the desire your describe. This is all different for me but I love reading about it and you. We could be sharing a bottle of wine while talking about all of these desires and imagine us talking long into the early hours…
    I don’t like to dominate…I like to be taken…hard, intense and slow. I love the thought of you wanting me so much you pin me to the wall as I gasp and you tell me I’m yours… You know last night… I couldn’t resist…I touched myself and thought of us in hot, sweet, lust filled situations…never taking our eyes off eachother while you hand explores me..
    I want you Michael… inexplicably

  2. […] Erotic Humiliation (Small Penis Teasing) – Coming soon. […]

  3. Another great entry! I am really enjoying your blog. I can relate in the last part about the excitement and arousal of sharing your kinks here on wordpress. I am really enjoying sharing my own sexual desires and experiences here, and even though it’s annoymous I’m recealing so much more of myself than I do with friends or family.

    1. I have been so hesitant to share these thoughts. In fact, I backdated the post when I released it so it would be buried in the archives for a while. I’m glad you came across it and enjoyed it! ☺️I can imagine it must be hot for you sharing your naughty desires…I know I like reading them 🔥It is interesting how we make connections in this little community all get to know one another in much different way compared to our day-to-day lives. I should say interesting AND exciting when sharing naughty secrets 😃

      1. Yes writing and reading here on wordpress is great. I’m learning a lot about kink and myself. I especially love yours because you put serious intelligent thought into each piece you write. Most blogs I find are just journal entries really. Do you know of any other blogs to recommend?

        1. So sorry about the slow reply, I could have sworn I replied to this. It must not have gone through.😁Really appreciate the feedback on my writing and I feel the same about yours. I’m behind but have seen some very interesting posts from you that I’m excited to read and comment on. I think you are going to make a man with cuckold fantasies very happy one day. As for other blogs, I’ve started what I consider a “second-tier” blog where I am posting things that I may never share here but are focused on cuckolding. It is more dialogue based vignettes I had with past lover that cuckolded me. https://cuckoldscorner.wordpress.com
          Another good one is by a guy named Steve who is also into small penis teasing and cuckolding. He isn’t the most engaging blogger so I would test him out with shorter comments to see if he replies. His link: https://lovinsmallpenis.wordpress.com

          1. Thank you so much 🙂 it really means a lot to me that a great writer like yourself likes my blog too ^_^
            I’ll definitely check out both of those blogs. Thanks!

  4. I love how you put so much thought into sex. Often, and especially in the American culture, it’s just something you do behind closed doors and you barely speak of it. Which is sad because it’s a really important part of a lot of our lives. I guess not everyone loves it as much as me (and you, apparently 😛). This erotic humiliation is an interesting kink. I can’t say that I’ve ever thought of it as arousing but I’d definitely be more toward the teasing vs humiliation side. Anything can be fun if it arouses your lover. It must be a semi nerve wracking thing to bring up though. Takes some courage to ask to be teased. But a good partner is receptive to anything and will be thoughtful instead of shutting it down.
    One thing that caught my notice is that you said it’s a dominant thing for you. That seems like such an inversion of what humiliation feels like but I can see how this particular humiliation can be turned around. Both because you get to then offer your woman another man’s (much bigger) cock to satisfy her, and because you also get to punish her for desiring someone else. So you’re still dominant- it’s your idea to get her a bigger cock and you can spank her while she “confesses” her naughty ways. It’s a novel approach to things as far as my experience goes. Fun, sexy, and everyone is happy and satisfied.
    What an interesting and sexy blog you have, Michael. I’ll be back! 😊

    1. Hmmm, I never really thought about it but I DO put a lot of thought into sex, ha! I like to be mentally engaged and this is a lot more stimulating than reading the latest business books that are spinning recycled theories with new labels. You seem to have a great attitude about sex…making it fun and doing things to please your lover. I hope that same open mindedness is returned to you. The small penis teasing can be a tough one to get out there. I suspect some women may have a sense of pride around the endowment of their man and this kink might work against that sense of pride. As for the dominant-cuckold vibe, it isn’t the most variation of cuckolding but it works well in the world of kinks because there are more women with submissive fantasies than dominant fantasies. Besides that, I can only take so much erotic humiliation before asserting myself! 😛 Glad you enjoyed your experience and hope you’ll stop by again.☺️

      1. You can only take so much teasing before asserting yourself…this puts some images in my head. 😈I know what you mean though, it’s more fun to be multifaceted. And yes, I’d say your blog is a whole lot more fun than reading business books. Thanks for the kind wishes. Open mindedness is one thing I really value. Especially when it comes to sex. Hope you have a nice weekend. 😊

        1. Thank you Lola…you have a sweet soul and seem to be a bit curious and naughty as well☺️🔥Hope you had a great weekend.

      2. I’m definitely curious and more than a bit naughty- but very sweet. 😉😇 I sense a kindred spirit. ☺️

  5. […] rush of erotic humiliation through cuckolding. Not familiar with Erotic Humiliation? Please see Erotic Humiliation – Exploring the Layers. Common forms of humiliation play in cuckolding include the bull having a larger cock and having a […]

  6. […] Erotic Humiliation (Small Penis Teasing) – In this post, I explore the psychology behind the kink known as erotic humiliation and discuss several variations for how this kink is experienced. This includes one my kinks that I am most uncomfortable about  – small penis teasing – but it is one that drives me wild! Whether it is true or not (and I leave that the readers imagination), the erotic humiliation is real. […]

  7. […] controlling in sexual play, I also enjoy a dash of erotic humiliation/teasing. Check out my post on Erotic Humiliation to learn more about this psychology behind this kink. I loved when Sienna would tease me about […]

  8. Anonymous

    Fascinating post…would love to see your “little” penis

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